XXV. Lady Susan to Mrs. Johnson

by Jane Austen

　　Churchhill.I call on you, dear Alicia, for congratulations: I am my own self, gayand triumphant! When I wrote to you the other day I was, in truth, in highirritation, and with ample cause. Nay, I know not whether I ought to bequite tranquil now, for I have had more trouble in restoring peace than Iever intended to submit to--a spirit, too, resulting from a fancied senseof superior integrity, which is peculiarly insolent! I shall not easilyforgive him, I assure you. He was actually on the point of leavingChurchhill! I had scarcely concluded my last, when Wilson brought me wordof it. I found, therefore, that something must be done; for I did notchoose to leave my character at the mercy of a man whose passions are soviolent and so revengeful. It would have been trifling with my reputationto allow of his departing with such an impression in my disfavour; in thislight, condescension was necessary. I sent Wilson to say that I desired tospeak with him before he went; he came immediately. The angry emotionswhich had marked every feature when we last parted were partially subdued.He seemed astonished at the summons, and looked as if half wishing and halffearing to be softened by what I might say. If my countenance expressedwhat I aimed at, it was composed and dignified; and yet, with a degree ofpensiveness which might convince him that I was not quite happy. "I begyour pardon, sir, for the liberty I have taken in sending for you," said I;"but as I have just learnt your intention of leaving this place to-day, Ifeel it my duty to entreat that you will not on my account shorten yourvisit here even an hour. I am perfectly aware that after what has passedbetween us it would ill suit the feelings of either to remain longer in thesame house: so very great, so total a change from the intimacy offriendship must render any future intercourse the severest punishment; andyour resolution of quitting Churchhill is undoubtedly in unison with oursituation, and with those lively feelings which I know you to possess. But,at the same time, it is not for me to suffer such a sacrifice as it must beto leave relations to whom you are so much attached, and are so dear. Myremaining here cannot give that pleasure to Mr. and Mrs. Vernon which yoursociety must; and my visit has already perhaps been too long. My removal,therefore, which must, at any rate, take place soon, may, with perfectconvenience, be hastened; and I make it my particular request that I maynot in any way be instrumental in separating a family so affectionatelyattached to each other. Where I go is of no consequence to anyone; of verylittle to myself; but you are of importance to all your connections." HereI concluded, and I hope you will be satisfied with my speech. Its effect onReginald justifies some portion of vanity, for it was no less favourablethan instantaneous. Oh, how delightful it was to watch the variations ofhis countenance while I spoke! to see the struggle between returningtenderness and the remains of displeasure. There is something agreeable infeelings so easily worked on; not that I envy him their possession, norwould, for the world, have such myself; but they are very convenient whenone wishes to influence the passions of another. And yet this Reginald,whom a very few words from me softened at once into the utmost submission,and rendered more tractable, more attached, more devoted than ever, wouldhave left me in the first angry swelling of his proud heart withoutdeigning to seek an explanation. Humbled as he now is, I cannot forgive himsuch an instance of pride, and am doubtful whether I ought not to punishhim by dismissing him at once after this reconciliation, or by marrying andteazing him for ever. But these measures are each too violent to be adoptedwithout some deliberation; at present my thoughts are fluctuating betweenvarious schemes. I have many things to compass: I must punish Frederica,and pretty severely too, for her application to Reginald; I must punishhim for receiving it so favourably, and for the rest of his conduct. I musttorment my sister-in-law for the insolent triumph of her look and mannersince Sir James has been dismissed; for, in reconciling Reginald to me, Iwas not able to save that ill-fated young man; and I must make myselfamends for the humiliation to which I have stooped within these few days.To effect all this I have various plans. I have also an idea of being soonin town; and whatever may be my determination as to the rest, I shallprobably put that project in execution; for London will be always thefairest field of action, however my views may be directed; and at any rateI shall there be rewarded by your society, and a little dissipation, for aten weeks' penance at Churchhill. I believe I owe it to my character tocomplete the match between my daughter and Sir James after having so longintended it. Let me know your opinion on this point. Flexibility of mind, adisposition easily biassed by others, is an attribute which you know I amnot very desirous of obtaining; nor has Frederica any claim to theindulgence of her notions at the expense of her mother's inclinations. Heridle love for Reginald, too! It is surely my duty to discourage suchromantic nonsense. All things considered, therefore, it seems incumbent onme to take her to town and marry her immediately to Sir James. When my ownwill is effected contrary to his, I shall have some credit in being on goodterms with Reginald, which at present, in fact, I have not; for though heis still in my power, I have given up the very article by which our quarrelwas produced, and at best the honour of victory is doubtful. Send me youropinion on all these matters, my dear Alicia, and let me know whether youcan get lodgings to suit me within a short distance of you.Your most attachedS. VERNON.