XXX. Lady Susan Vernon to Mr. De Courcy

by Jane Austen

　　Upper Seymour Street.I have received your letter, and though I do not attempt to conceal thatI am gratified by your impatience for the hour of meeting, I yet feelmyself under the necessity of delaying that hour beyond the time originallyfixed. Do not think me unkind for such an exercise of my power, nor accuseme of instability without first hearing my reasons. In the course of myjourney from Churchhill I had ample leisure for reflection on the presentstate of our affairs, and every review has served to convince me that theyrequire a delicacy and cautiousness of conduct to which we have hithertobeen too little attentive. We have been hurried on by our feelings to adegree of precipitation which ill accords with the claims of our friends orthe opinion of the world. We have been unguarded in forming this hastyengagement, but we must not complete the imprudence by ratifying it whilethere is so much reason to fear the connection would be opposed by thosefriends on whom you depend. It is not for us to blame any expectations onyour father's side of your marrying to advantage; where possessions are soextensive as those of your family, the wish of increasing them, if notstrictly reasonable, is too common to excite surprize or resentment. He hasa right to require; a woman of fortune in his daughter-in-law, and I amsometimes quarrelling with myself for suffering you to form a connection soimprudent; but the influence of reason is often acknowledged too late bythose who feel like me. I have now been but a few months a widow, and,however little indebted to my husband's memory for any happiness derivedfrom him during a union of some years, I cannot forget that the indelicacyof so early a second marriage must subject me to the censure of the world,and incur, what would be still more insupportable, the displeasure of Mr.Vernon. I might perhaps harden myself in time against the injustice ofgeneral reproach, but the loss of his valued esteem I am, as you well know,ill-fitted to endure; and when to this may be added the consciousness ofhaving injured you with your family, how am I to support myself? Withfeelings so poignant as mine, the conviction of having divided the son fromhis parents would make me, even with you, the most miserable of beings. Itwill surely, therefore, be advisable to delay our union--to delay it tillappearances are more promising--till affairs have taken a more favourableturn. To assist us In such a resolution I feel that absence will benecessary. We must not meet. Cruel as this sentence may appear, thenecessity of pronouncing it, which can alone reconcile it to myself, willbe evident to you when you have considered our situation in the light inwhich I have found myself imperiously obliged to place it. You may be--youmust be--well assured that nothing but the strongest conviction of dutycould induce me to wound my own feelings by urging a lengthened separation,and of insensibility to yours you will hardly suspect me. Again, therefore,I say that we ought not, we must not, yet meet. By a removal for somemonths from each other we shall tranquillise the sisterly fears of Mrs.Vernon, who, accustomed herself to the enjoyment of riches, considersfortune as necessary everywhere, and whose sensibilities are not of anature to comprehend ours. Let me hear from you soon--very soon. Tell methat you submit to my arguments, and do not reproach me for using such. Icannot bear reproaches: my spirits are not so high as to need beingrepressed. I must endeavour to seek amusement, and fortunately many of myfriends are in town ; amongst them the Mainwarings; you know how sincerelyI regard both husband and wife.I am, very faithfully yours,S. VERNON