N

by Ambrose Bierce

　　NECTAR,n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of itspreparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come prettynear to a knowledge of its chief ingredient. Juno drank a cup of nectar,

　　But the draught did not affect her.

　　Juno drank a cup of rye --

　　Then she bad herself good-bye.

　　J.G.

　　NEGRO, n. The piece de resistance in the American politicalproblem. Representing him by the letter n, the Republicans begin to buildtheir equation thus: "Let n = the white man." This, however,appears to give an unsatisfactory solution.

　　NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, andwho does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

　　NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the goodof the party.

　　NEWTONIAN, adj. Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe inventedby Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but wasunable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far asto be able to say when.

　　NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything butTolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

　　NIRVANA, n. In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilationawarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.

　　NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitiousto incur social distinction and suffer high life.

　　NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chiefproduct and authenticating sign of civilization.

　　NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment.To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcattingof the opposition.

　　NOMINEE, n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinctionof private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of publicoffice.

　　NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

　　NONSENSE, n. The objections that are urged against this excellentdictionary.

　　NOSE, n. The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstancethat great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedatethe age of humor, calls the nose the organ of quell. It has been observedthat one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others,from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose isdevoid of the sense of smell.

　　There's a man with a Nose,

　　And wherever he goes

　　The people run from him and shout:

　　"No cotton have we

　　For our ears if so be

　　He blow that interminous snout!"

　　So the lawyers applied

　　For injunction. "Denied,"

　　Said the Judge: "the defendant prefixion,

　　Whate'er it portend,

　　Appears to transcend

　　The bounds of this court's jurisdiction."

　　Arpad Singiny

　　NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors.The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladderleading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.

　　NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that whichmerely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon isa bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only be a process ofreasoning -- which is a phenomenon. Nevertheless, the discovery and expositionof noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes calls "the endless varietyand excitement of philosophic thought." Hurrah (therefore) for thenoumenon!

　　NOVEL, n. A short story padded. A species of composition bearingthe same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art. As itis too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by its successiveparts are successively effaced, as in the panorama. Unity, totality ofeffect, is impossible; for besides the few pages last read

　　all that is carried in mind is the mere plot of what has gone before.To the romance the novel is what photography is to painting. Its distinguishingprinciple, probability, corresponds to the literal actuality of the photographand puts it distinctly into the category of reporting; whereas the freewing of the romancer enables him to

　　mount to such altitudes of imagination as he may be fitted to attain;and the first three essentials of the literary art are imagination, imaginationand imagination. The art of writing novels, such as it was, is long deadeverywhere except in Russia, where it is new. Peace to its ashes -- someof which have a large sale.

　　NOVEMBER, n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.