V

by Ambrose Bierce

　　VALOR,n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope. "Whyhave you halted?" roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga,who had ordered a charge; "move forward, sir, at once.""General,"said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded thatany further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collisionwith the enemy."VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

　　They say that hens do cackle loudest when

　　There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid;

　　And there are hens, professing to have made

　　A study of mankind, who say that men

　　Whose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen

　　Make the most clamorous fanfaronade

　　O'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid

　　They're not entirely different from the hen.

　　Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,

　　His blazing breeches and high-towering cap --

　　Imperiously pompous, grandly bold,

　　Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap!

　　Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue

　　Is that in battle he will never hurt you?

　　Hannibal Hunsiker

　　VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

　　VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such assuffer from an impediment in their wit.

　　VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to makea fool of himself and a wreck of his country.