New York by Camp Fire Light

by O. Henry

　　

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Away out in the Creek Nation we learned things about New York. We were on a hunting trip, and were camped one night on the bank of alittle stream. Bud Kingsbury was our skilled hunter and guide, and it wasfrom his lips that we had explanations of Manhattan and the queer folksthat inhabit it. Bud had once spent a month in the metropolis, and a weekor two at other times, and he was pleased to discourse to us of what hehad seen. Fifty yards away from our camp was pitched the teepee of a wanderingfamily of Indians that had come up and settled there for the night. Anold, old Indian woman was trying to build a fire under an iron pot hungupon three sticks. Bud went over to her assistance, and soon had her fire going. When hecame back we complimented him playfully upon his gallantry. "Oh," said Bud, "don't mention it. It's a way I have. Whenever I see alady trying to cook things in a pot and having trouble I always go to therescue. I done the same thing once in a high-toned house in. New YorkCity. Heap big society teepee on Fifth Avenue. That Injun lady kind ofrecalled it to my mind. Yes, I endeavours to be polite and help theladies out." The camp demanded the particulars. "I was manager of the Triangle B Ranch in the Panhandle," said Bud. "Itwas owned at that time by old man Sterling, of New York. He wanted tosell out, and he wrote for me to come on to New York and explain the ranchto the syndicate that wanted to buy. So I sends to Fort Worth and has aforty dollar suit of clothes made, and hits the trail for the big village. "Well, when I got there, old man Sterling and his outfit certainly laidthemselves out to be agreeable. We had business and pleasure so mixed upthat you couldn't tell whether it was a treat or a trade half the time.We had trolley rides, and cigars, and theatre round-ups, and rubberparties." "Rubber parties?" said a listener, inquiringly. "Sure," said Bud. "Didn't you never attend 'em? You walk around and tryto look at the tops of the skyscrapers. Well, we sold the ranch, and oldman Sterling asks me 'round to his house to take grub on the night beforeI started back. It wasn't any high-collared affair -- just me and the oldman and his wife and daughter. But they was a fine-haired outfit allright, and the lilies of the field wasn't in it. They made my Fort Worthclothes carpenter look like a dealer in horse blankets and gee strings.And then the table was all pompous with flowers, and there was a whole kitof tools laid out beside everybody's plate. You'd have thought you wasfixed out to burglarize a restaurant before you could get your grub. ButI'd been in New York over a week then, and I was getting on to stylishways. I kind of trailed behind and watched the others use the hardwaresupplies, and then I tackled the chuck with the same weapons. It ain'tmuch trouble to travel with the high-flyers after you find out their gait.I got along fine. I was feeling cool and agreeable, and pretty soon Iwas talking away fluent as you please, all about the ranch and the West,and telling 'em how the Indians eat grasshopper stew and snakes, and younever saw people so interested. "But the real joy of that feast was that Miss Sterling. Just a littletrick she was, not bigger than two bits worth of chewing plug; but she hada way about her that seemed to say she was the people, and you believedit. And yet, she never put on any airs, and she smiled at me the same asif I was a millionaire while I was telling about a Creek dog feast andlistened like it was news from home. "By and by, after we had eat oysters and some watery soup and truck thatnever was in my repertory, a Methodist preacher brings in a kind of campstove arrangement, all silver, on long legs, with a lamp under it. "Miss Sterling lights up and begins to do some cooking right on the suppertable. I wondered why old man Sterling didn't hire a cook, with all themoney he had. Pretty soon she dished out some cheesy tasting truck thatshe said was rabbit, but I swear there had never been a Molly cotton tailin a mile of it. "The last thing on the programme was lemonade. It was brought around inlittle flat glass bowls and set by your plate. I was pretty thirsty, andI picked up mine and took a big swig of it. Right there was where thelittle lady had made a mistake. She had put in the lemon all right, butshe'd forgot the sugar. The best housekeepers slip up sometimes. Ithought maybe Miss Sterling was just learning to keep house and cook --that rabbit would surely make you think so -- and I says to myself,'Little lady, sugar or no sugar I'll stand by you,' and I raises up mybowl again and drinks the last drop of the lemonade. And then all thebalance of 'em picks up their bowls and does the same. And then I givesMiss Sterling the laugh proper, just to carry it off like a joke, so shewouldn't feel bad about the mistake. "After we all went into the sitting room she sat down and talked to mequite awhile. "'It was so kind of you, Mr. Kingsbury,' says she, to bring my blunder offso nicely. It was so stupid of me to forget the sugar.' "'Never you mind,' says I, 'some lucky man will throw his rope over amighty elegant little housekeeper some day, not far from here.' "'If you mean me, Mr. Kingsbury,' says she, laughing out loud, 'I hope hewill be as lenient with my poor housekeeping as you have been.' "'Don't mention it,' says I. 'Anything to oblige the ladies.'" Bud ceased his reminiscences. And then some one asked him what heconsidered the most striking and prominent trait of New Yorkers. "The most visible and peculiar trait of New York folks, answered Bud, "isNew York. Most of 'em has New York on the brain. They have heard ofother places, such as Waco, and Paris, and Hot Springs, and London; butthey don't believe in 'em. They think that town is all Merino. Now toshow you how much they care for their village I'll tell you about one of'em that strayed out as far as the Triangle B while I was working there. "This New Yorker come out there looking for a job on the ranch. He saidhe was a good horseback rider, and there was pieces of tanbark hanging onhis clothes yet from his riding school. "Well, for a while they put him to keeping books in the ranch store, forhe was a devil at figures. But he got tired of that, and asked forsomething more in the line of activity. The boys on the ranch liked himall right, but he made us tired shouting New York all the time. Everynight he'd tell us about East River and J. P. Morgan and the Eden Museeand Hetty Green and Central Park till we used to throw tin plates andbranding irons at him. "One day this chap gets on a pitching pony, and the pony kind of sidled uphis back and went to eating grass while the New Yorker was coming down. "He come down on his head on a chunk of mesquit wood, and he didn't showany designs toward getting up again. We laid him out in a tent, and hebegun to look pretty dead. So Gideon Pease saddles up and burns the windfor old Doc Sleeper's residence in Dogtown, thirty miles away. "The doctor comes over and he investigates the patient. "'Boys,' says he, 'you might as well go to playing seven-up for his saddleand clothes, for his head's fractured and if he lives ten minutes it willbe a remarkable case of longevity.' "Of course we didn't gamble for the poor rooster's saddle -- that was oneof Doc's jokes. But we stood around feeling solemn, and all of us forgivehim for having talked us to death about New York. "I never saw anybody about to hand in his checks act more peaceful thanthis fellow. His eyes were fixed 'way up in the air, and he was usingrambling words to himself all about sweet music and beautiful streets andwhite-robed forms, and he was smiling like dying was a pleasure. "'He's about gone now,' said Doc. 'Whenever they begin to think they seeheaven it's all off. ' "Blamed if that New York man didn't sit right up when he heard the Doc saythat. "'Say,' says he, kind of disappointed, 'was that heaven? Confound it all,I thought it was Broadway. Some of you fellows get my clothes. I'm goingto get up.' "And I'll be blamed," concluded Bud, "if he wasn't on the train with aticket for New York in his pocket four days afterward!"

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