Chapter 20

by Jane Austen

　　Sir Walter, his two daughters, and Mrs Clay, were the earliestof all their party at the rooms in the evening; and as Lady Dalrymplemust be waited for, they took their station by one of the firesin the Octagon Room. But hardly were they so settled, when the dooropened again, and Captain Wentworth walked in alone. Anne wasthe nearest to him, and making yet a little advance, she instantly spoke.He was preparing only to bow and pass on, but her gentle "How do you do?"brought him out of the straight line to stand near her, and make enquiriesin return, in spite of the formidable father and sister in the back ground.Their being in the back ground was a support to Anne; she knew nothingof their looks, and felt equal to everything which she believedright to be done.

　　While they were speaking, a whispering between her father and Elizabethcaught her ear. She could not distinguish, but she must guess the subject;and on Captain Wentworth's making a distant bow, she comprehendedthat her father had judged so well as to give him thatsimple acknowledgement of acquaintance, and she was just in timeby a side glance to see a slight curtsey from Elizabeth herself.This, though late, and reluctant, and ungracious, was yetbetter than nothing, and her spirits improved.

　　After talking, however, of the weather, and Bath, and the concert,their conversation began to flag, and so little was said at last,that she was expecting him to go every moment, but he did not;he seemed in no hurry to leave her; and presently with renewed spirit,with a little smile, a little glow, he said--

　　"I have hardly seen you since our day at Lyme. I am afraid you must havesuffered from the shock, and the more from its not overpowering youat the time."

　　She assured him that she had not.

　　"It was a frightful hour," said he, "a frightful day!" and hepassed his hand across his eyes, as if the remembrance were stilltoo painful, but in a moment, half smiling again, added,"The day has produced some effects however; has had some consequenceswhich must be considered as the very reverse of frightful.When you had the presence of mind to suggest that Benwick would bethe properest person to fetch a surgeon, you could have little ideaof his being eventually one of those most concerned in her recovery."

　　"Certainly I could have none. But it appears--I should hope it would bea very happy match. There are on both sides good principlesand good temper."

　　"Yes," said he, looking not exactly forward; "but there, I think,ends the resemblance. With all my soul I wish them happy, and rejoiceover every circumstance in favour of it. They have no difficultiesto contend with at home, no opposition, no caprice, no delays.The Musgroves are behaving like themselves, most honourably and kindly,only anxious with true parental hearts to promote their daughter's comfort.All this is much, very much in favour of their happiness;more than perhaps--"

　　He stopped. A sudden recollection seemed to occur, and to give himsome taste of that emotion which was reddening Anne's cheeksand fixing her eyes on the ground. After clearing his throat, however,he proceeded thus--

　　"I confess that I do think there is a disparity, too great a disparity,and in a point no less essential than mind. I regard Louisa Musgroveas a very amiable, sweet-tempered girl, and not deficient in understanding,but Benwick is something more. He is a clever man, a reading man;and I confess, that I do consider his attaching himself to herwith some surprise. Had it been the effect of gratitude,had he learnt to love her, because he believed her to be preferring him,it would have been another thing. But I have no reason to suppose it so.It seems, on the contrary, to have been a perfectly spontaneous,untaught feeling on his side, and this surprises me. A man like him,in his situation! with a heart pierced, wounded, almost broken!Fanny Harville was a very superior creature, and his attachment to herwas indeed attachment. A man does not recover from sucha devotion of the heart to such a woman. He ought not; he does not."

　　Either from the consciousness, however, that his friend had recovered,or from other consciousness, he went no farther; and Anne who,in spite of the agitated voice in which the latter part had been uttered,and in spite of all the various noises of the room, the almost ceaselessslam of the door, and ceaseless buzz of persons walking through,had distinguished every word, was struck, gratified, confused,and beginning to breathe very quick, and feel an hundred thingsin a moment. It was impossible for her to enter on such a subject;and yet, after a pause, feeling the necessity of speaking,and having not the smallest wish for a total change, she only deviatedso far as to say--

　　"You were a good while at Lyme, I think?"

　　"About a fortnight. I could not leave it till Louisa's doing wellwas quite ascertained. I had been too deeply concerned in the mischiefto be soon at peace. It had been my doing, solely mine.She would not have been obstinate if I had not been weak.The country round Lyme is very fine. I walked and rode a great deal;and the more I saw, the more I found to admire."

　　"I should very much like to see Lyme again," said Anne.

　　"Indeed! I should not have supposed that you could have foundanything in Lyme to inspire such a feeling. The horror and distressyou were involved in, the stretch of mind, the wear of spirits!I should have thought your last impressions of Lyme must have beenstrong disgust."

　　"The last hours were certainly very painful," replied Anne;"but when pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes a pleasure.One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it,unless it has been all suffering, nothing but suffering, which wasby no means the case at Lyme. We were only in anxiety and distressduring the last two hours, and previously there had been a great dealof enjoyment. So much novelty and beauty! I have travelled so little,that every fresh place would be interesting to me; but there is real beautyat Lyme; and in short" (with a faint blush at some recollections),"altogether my impressions of the place are very agreeable."

　　As she ceased, the entrance door opened again, and the very party appearedfor whom they were waiting. "Lady Dalrymple, Lady Dalrymple,"was the rejoicing sound; and with all the eagerness compatiblewith anxious elegance, Sir Walter and his two ladies stepped forwardto meet her. Lady Dalrymple and Miss Carteret, escorted by Mr Elliotand Colonel Wallis, who had happened to arrive nearly at the same instant,advanced into the room. The others joined them, and it wasa group in which Anne found herself also necessarily included.She was divided from Captain Wentworth. Their interesting,almost too interesting conversation must be broken up for a time,but slight was the penance compared with the happiness which brought it on!She had learnt, in the last ten minutes, more of his feelingstowards Louisa, more of all his feelings than she dared to think of;and she gave herself up to the demands of the party, to the needfulcivilities of the moment, with exquisite, though agitated sensations.She was in good humour with all. She had received ideas whichdisposed her to be courteous and kind to all, and to pity every one,as being less happy than herself.

　　The delightful emotions were a little subdued, when on stepping backfrom the group, to be joined again by Captain Wentworth, she sawthat he was gone. She was just in time to see him turn intothe Concert Room. He was gone; he had disappeared, she felta moment's regret. But "they should meet again. He would look for her,he would find her out before the evening were over, and at present,perhaps, it was as well to be asunder. She was in need ofa little interval for recollection."

　　Upon Lady Russell's appearance soon afterwards, the whole partywas collected, and all that remained was to marshal themselves,and proceed into the Concert Room; and be of all the consequencein their power, draw as many eyes, excite as many whispers,and disturb as many people as they could.

　　Very, very happy were both Elizabeth and Anne Elliot as they walked in.Elizabeth arm in arm with Miss Carteret, and looking on the broad backof the dowager Viscountess Dalrymple before her, had nothing to wish forwhich did not seem within her reach; and Anne--but it would bean insult to the nature of Anne's felicity, to draw any comparisonbetween it and her sister's; the origin of one all selfish vanity,of the other all generous attachment.

　　Anne saw nothing, thought nothing of the brilliancy of the room.Her happiness was from within. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks glowed;but she knew nothing about it. She was thinking only ofthe last half hour, and as they passed to their seats, her mind tooka hasty range over it. His choice of subjects, his expressions,and still more his manner and look, had been such as she could seein only one light. His opinion of Louisa Musgrove's inferiority,an opinion which he had seemed solicitous to give, his wonderat Captain Benwick, his feelings as to a first, strong attachment;sentences begun which he could not finish, his half averted eyesand more than half expressive glance, all, all declared that he hada heart returning to her at least; that anger, resentment, avoidance,were no more; and that they were succeeded, not merely by friendshipand regard, but by the tenderness of the past. Yes, some share ofthe tenderness of the past. She could not contemplate the changeas implying less. He must love her.

　　These were thoughts, with their attendant visions, which occupiedand flurried her too much to leave her any power of observation;and she passed along the room without having a glimpse of him,without even trying to discern him. When their places were determined on,and they were all properly arranged, she looked round to seeif he should happen to be in the same part of the room, but he was not;her eye could not reach him; and the concert being just opening,she must consent for a time to be happy in a humbler way.

　　The party was divided and disposed of on two contiguous benches:Anne was among those on the foremost, and Mr Elliot had manoeuvred so well,with the assistance of his friend Colonel Wallis, as to have a seat by her.Miss Elliot, surrounded by her cousins, and the principal objectof Colonel Wallis's gallantry, was quite contented.

　　Anne's mind was in a most favourable state for the entertainmentof the evening; it was just occupation enough: she had feelings forthe tender, spirits for the gay, attention for the scientific,and patience for the wearisome; and had never liked a concert better,at least during the first act. Towards the close of it,in the interval succeeding an Italian song, she explainedthe words of the song to Mr Elliot. They had a concert bill between them.

　　"This," said she, "is nearly the sense, or rather the meaning of the words,for certainly the sense of an Italian love-song must not be talked of,but it is as nearly the meaning as I can give; for I do not pretendto understand the language. I am a very poor Italian scholar."

　　"Yes, yes, I see you are. I see you know nothing of the matter.You have only knowledge enough of the language to translate at sightthese inverted, transposed, curtailed Italian lines, into clear,comprehensible, elegant English. You need not say anything moreof your ignorance. Here is complete proof."

　　"I will not oppose such kind politeness; but I should be sorry to beexamined by a real proficient."

　　"I have not had the pleasure of visiting in Camden Place so long,"replied he, "without knowing something of Miss Anne Elliot;and I do regard her as one who is too modest for the world in generalto be aware of half her accomplishments, and too highly accomplishedfor modesty to be natural in any other woman."

　　"For shame! for shame! this is too much flattery. I forget what we areto have next," turning to the bill.

　　"Perhaps," said Mr Elliot, speaking low, "I have had a longer acquaintancewith your character than you are aware of."

　　"Indeed! How so? You can have been acquainted with it only sinceI came to Bath, excepting as you might hear me previously spoken ofin my own family."

　　"I knew you by report long before you came to Bath. I had heard youdescribed by those who knew you intimately. I have been acquaintedwith you by character many years. Your person, your disposition,accomplishments, manner; they were all present to me."

　　Mr Elliot was not disappointed in the interest he hoped to raise.No one can withstand the charm of such a mystery. To have beendescribed long ago to a recent acquaintance, by nameless people,is irresistible; and Anne was all curiosity. She wondered,and questioned him eagerly; but in vain. He delighted in being asked,but he would not tell.

　　"No, no, some time or other, perhaps, but not now. He would mentionno names now; but such, he could assure her, had been the fact.He had many years ago received such a description of Miss Anne Elliotas had inspired him with the highest idea of her merit, and excitedthe warmest curiosity to know her."

　　Anne could think of no one so likely to have spoken withpartiality of her many years ago as the Mr Wentworth of Monkford,Captain Wentworth's brother. He might have been in Mr Elliot's company,but she had not courage to ask the question.

　　"The name of Anne Elliot," said he, "has long had an interesting sound to me.Very long has it possessed a charm over my fancy; and, if I dared,I would breathe my wishes that the name might never change."

　　Such, she believed, were his words; but scarcely had shereceived their sound, than her attention was caught by other soundsimmediately behind her, which rendered every thing else trivial.Her father and Lady Dalrymple were speaking.

　　"A well-looking man," said Sir Walter, "a very well-looking man."

　　"A very fine young man indeed!" said Lady Dalrymple. "More airthan one often sees in Bath. Irish, I dare say."

　　"No, I just know his name. A bowing acquaintance. Wentworth;Captain Wentworth of the navy. His sister married my tenantin Somersetshire, the Croft, who rents Kellynch."

　　Before Sir Walter had reached this point, Anne's eyes had caughtthe right direction, and distinguished Captain Wentworth standingamong a cluster of men at a little distance. As her eyes fell on him,his seemed to be withdrawn from her. It had that appearance.It seemed as if she had been one moment too late; and as long as shedared observe, he did not look again: but the performancewas recommencing, and she was forced to seem to restore her attentionto the orchestra and look straight forward.

　　When she could give another glance, he had moved away. He could not havecome nearer to her if he would; she was so surrounded and shut in:but she would rather have caught his eye.

　　Mr Elliot's speech, too, distressed her. She had no longerany inclination to talk to him. She wished him not so near her.

　　The first act was over. Now she hoped for some beneficial change;and, after a period of nothing-saying amongst the party, some of themdid decide on going in quest of tea. Anne was one of the few whodid not choose to move. She remained in her seat, and so did Lady Russell;but she had the pleasure of getting rid of Mr Elliot; and she did not mean,whatever she might feel on Lady Russell's account, to shrink fromconversation with Captain Wentworth, if he gave her the opportunity.She was persuaded by Lady Russell's countenance that she had seen him.

　　He did not come however. Anne sometimes fancied she discerned himat a distance, but he never came. The anxious intervalwore away unproductively. The others returned, the room filled again,benches were reclaimed and repossessed, and another hour of pleasureor of penance was to be sat out, another hour of music was to givedelight or the gapes, as real or affected taste for it prevailed.To Anne, it chiefly wore the prospect of an hour of agitation.She could not quit that room in peace without seeing Captain Wentworthonce more, without the interchange of one friendly look.

　　In re-settling themselves there were now many changes, the result of whichwas favourable for her. Colonel Wallis declined sitting down again,and Mr Elliot was invited by Elizabeth and Miss Carteret, in a mannernot to be refused, to sit between them; and by some other removals,and a little scheming of her own, Anne was enabled to place herselfmuch nearer the end of the bench than she had been before,much more within reach of a passer-by. She could not do so,without comparing herself with Miss Larolles, the inimitable Miss Larolles;but still she did it, and not with much happier effect;though by what seemed prosperity in the shape of an early abdicationin her next neighbours, she found herself at the very end of the benchbefore the concert closed.

　　Such was her situation, with a vacant space at hand, when Captain Wentworthwas again in sight. She saw him not far off. He saw her too;yet he looked grave, and seemed irresolute, and only by very slow degreescame at last near enough to speak to her. She felt that somethingmust be the matter. The change was indubitable. The differencebetween his present air and what it had been in the Octagon Roomwas strikingly great. Why was it? She thought of her father,of Lady Russell. Could there have been any unpleasant glances?He began by speaking of the concert gravely, more like the CaptainWentworth of Uppercross; owned himself disappointed, had expected singing;and in short, must confess that he should not be sorry when it was over.Anne replied, and spoke in defence of the performance so well,and yet in allowance for his feelings so pleasantly, that his countenanceimproved, and he replied again with almost a smile. They talkedfor a few minutes more; the improvement held; he even looked downtowards the bench, as if he saw a place on it well worth occupying;when at that moment a touch on her shoulder obliged Anne to turn round.It came from Mr Elliot. He begged her pardon, but she must be applied to,to explain Italian again. Miss Carteret was very anxious to havea general idea of what was next to be sung. Anne could not refuse;but never had she sacrificed to politeness with a more suffering spirit.

　　A few minutes, though as few as possible, were inevitably consumed;and when her own mistress again, when able to turn and lookas she had done before, she found herself accosted by Captain Wentworth,in a reserved yet hurried sort of farewell. "He must wish her good night;he was going; he should get home as fast as he could."

　　"Is not this song worth staying for?" said Anne, suddenly struckby an idea which made her yet more anxious to be encouraging.

　　"No!" he replied impressively, "there is nothing worth my staying for;"and he was gone directly.

　　Jealousy of Mr Elliot! It was the only intelligible motive.Captain Wentworth jealous of her affection! Could she have believed ita week ago; three hours ago! For a moment the gratification was exquisite.But, alas! there were very different thoughts to succeed.How was such jealousy to be quieted? How was the truth to reach him?How, in all the peculiar disadvantages of their respective situations,would he ever learn of her real sentiments? It was misery to thinkof Mr Elliot's attentions. Their evil was incalculable.