Chapter 14

by Jane Austen

　　During dinner, Mr. Bennet scarcely spoke at all; but when theservants were withdrawn, he thought it time to have someconversation with his guest, and therefore started a subject inwhich he expected him to shine, by observing that he seemedvery fortunate in his patroness. Lady Catherine de Bourgh'sattention to his wishes, and consideration for his comfort,appeared very remarkable. Mr. Bennet could not have chosenbetter. Mr. Collins was eloquent in her praise. The subjectelevated him to more than usual solemnity of manner, and with amost important aspect he protested that "he had never in his lifewitnessed such behaviour in a person of rank-- such affabilityand condescension, as he had himself experienced from LadyCatherine. She had been graciously pleased to approve of bothof the discourses which he had already had the honour ofpreaching before her. She had also asked him twice to dine atRosings, and had sent for him only the Saturday before, to makeup her pool of quadrille in the evening. Lady Catherine wasreckoned proud by many people he knew, but he had neverseen anything but affability in her. She had always spoken tohim as she would to any other gentleman; she made not thesmallest objection to his joining in the society of theneighbourhood nor to his leaving the parish occasionally for aweek or two, to visit his relations. She had even condescendedto advise him to marry as soon as he could, provided he chosewith discretion; and had once paid him a visit in his humbleparsonage, where she had perfectly approved all the alterationshe had been making, and had even vouchsafed to suggest someherself-- some shelves in the closet upstairs.""That is all very proper and civil, I am sure," said Mrs. Bennet,"and I dare say she is a very agreeable woman. It is a pity thatgreat ladies in general are not more like her. Does she live nearyou, sir?""The garden in which stands my humble abode is separated onlyby a lane from Rosings Park, her ladyship's residence.""I think you said she was a widow, sir? Has she any family?""She has only one daughter, the heiress of Rosings, and of veryextensive property.""Ah!" said Mrs. Bennet, shaking her head, "then she is better offthan many girls. And what sort of young lady is she? Is shehandsome?""She is a most charming young lady indeed. Lady Catherineherself says that, in point of true beauty, Miss de Bourgh is farsuperior to the handsomest of her sex, because there is that inher features which marks the young lady of distinguished birth.She is unfortunately of a sickly constitution, which has preventedher from making that progress in many accomplishments whichshe could not have otherwise failed of, as I am informed by thelady who superintended her education, and who still resides withthem. But she is perfectly amiable, and often condescends todrive by my humble abode in her little phaeton and ponies.""Has she been presented? I do not remember her name amongthe ladies at court.""Her indifferent state of health unhappily prevents her being intown; and by that means, as I told Lady Catherine one day, hasdeprived the British court of its brightest ornaments. Herladyship seemed pleased with the idea; and you may imagine thatI am happy on every occasion to offer those little delicatecompliments which are always acceptable to ladies. I have morethan once observed to Lady Catherine, that her charmingdaughter seemed born to be a duchess, and that the mostelevated rank, instead of giving her consequence, would beadorned by her. These are the kind of little things which pleaseher ladyship, and it is a sort of attention which I conceive myselfpeculiarly bound to pay.""You judge very properly," said Mr. Bennet, "and it is happy foryou that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May Iask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulseof the moment, or are the result of previous study?""They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and thoughI sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging suchlittle elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinaryoccasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air aspossible."Mr. Bennet's expectations were fully answered. His cousin wasas absurd as he had hoped, and he listened to him with thekeenest enjoyment, maintaining at the same time the mostresolute composure of countenance, and, except in an occasionalglance at Elizabeth, requiring no partner in his pleasure.By tea-time, however, the dose had been enough, and Mr.Bennet was glad to take his guest into the drawing-room again,and, when tea was over, glad to invite him to read aloud to theladies. Mr. Collins readily assented, and a book was produced;but, on beholding it (for everything announced it to be from acirculating library), he started back, and begging pardon,protested that he never read novels. Kitty stared at him, andLydia exclaimed. Other books were produced, and after somedeliberation he chose Fordyce's Sermons. Lydia gaped as heopened the volume, and before he had, with very monotonoussolemnity, read three pages, she interrupted him with:"Do you know, mamma, that my uncle Phillips talks of turningaway Richard; and if he does, Colonel Forster will hire him. Myaunt told me so herself on Saturday. I shall walk to Merytonto-morrow to hear more about it, and to ask when Mr. Dennycomes back from town."Lydia was bid by her two eldest sisters to hold her tongue; butMr. Collins, much offended, laid aside his book, and said:"I have often observed how little young ladies are interested bybooks of a serious stamp, though written solely for their benefit.It amazes me, I confess; for, certainly, there can be nothing soadvantageous to them as instruction. But I will no longerimportune my young cousin."Then turning to Mr. Bennet, he offered himself as his antagonistat backgammon. Mr. Bennet accepted the challenge, observingthat he acted very wisely in leaving the girls to their own triflingamusements. Mrs. Bennet and her daughters apologised mostcivilly for Lydia's interruption, and promised that it should notoccur again, if he would resume his book; but Mr. Collins, afterassuring them that he bore his young cousin no ill-will, andshould never resent her behaviour as any affront, seated himselfat another table with Mr. Bennet, and prepared forbackgammon.