Chapter 38

by Jane Austen

　　Mrs. Jennings was very warm in her praise of Edward'sconduct, but only Elinor and Marianne understood itstrue merit. They only knew how little he had had to tempthim to be disobedient, and how small was the consolation,beyond the consciousness of doing right, that couldremain to him in the loss of friends and fortune.Elinor gloried in his integrity; and Marianne forgave allhis offences in compassion for his punishment. But thoughconfidence between them was, by this public discovery,restored to its proper state, it was not a subject onwhich either of them were fond of dwelling when alone.Elinor avoided it upon principle, as tending to fix stillmore upon her thoughts, by the too warm, too positiveassurances of Marianne, that belief of Edward's continuedaffection for herself which she rather wished to do away;and Marianne's courage soon failed her, in tryingto converse upon a topic which always left her moredissatisfied with herself than ever, by the comparisonit necessarily produced between Elinor's conduct and her own.She felt all the force of that comparison; but notas her sister had hoped, to urge her to exertion now;she felt it with all the pain of continual self-reproach,regretted most bitterly that she had never exertedherself before; but it brought only the torture of penitence,without the hope of amendment. Her mind was so much weakenedthat she still fancied present exertion impossible,and therefore it only dispirited her more.Nothing new was heard by them, for a day or two afterwards,of affairs in Harley Street, or Bartlett's Buildings.But though so much of the matter was known to them already,that Mrs. Jennings might have had enough to do in spreadingthat knowledge farther, without seeking after more,she had resolved from the first to pay a visit of comfortand inquiry to her cousins as soon as she could;and nothing but the hindrance of more visitors than usual,had prevented her going to them within that time.The third day succeeding their knowledge of theparticulars, was so fine, so beautiful a Sunday as to drawmany to Kensington Gardens, though it was only the secondweek in March. Mrs. Jennings and Elinor were of the number;but Marianne, who knew that the Willoughbys were againin town, and had a constant dread of meeting them,chose rather to stay at home, than venture into so publica place.An intimate acquaintance of Mrs. Jennings joinedthem soon after they entered the Gardens, and Elinor wasnot sorry that by her continuing with them, and engagingall Mrs. Jennings's conversation, she was herself leftto quiet reflection. She saw nothing of the Willoughbys,nothing of Edward, and for some time nothing of anybodywho could by any chance whether grave or gay, be interestingto her. But at last she found herself with some surprise,accosted by Miss Steele, who, though looking rather shy,expressed great satisfaction in meeting them, and on receivingencouragement from the particular kindness of Mrs. Jennings,left her own party for a short time, to join their's.Mrs. Jennings immediately whispered to Elinor,"Get it all out of her, my dear. She will tell youany thing if you ask. You see I cannot leave Mrs. Clarke."It was lucky, however, for Mrs. Jennings's curiosityand Elinor's too, that she would tell any thing withoutbeing asked; for nothing would otherwise have been learnt."I am so glad to meet you;" said Miss Steele,taking her familiarly by the arm--"for I wanted to see youof all things in the world." And then lowering her voice,"I suppose Mrs. Jennings has heard all about it.Is she angry?""Not at all, I believe, with you.""That is a good thing. And Lady Middleton, is she angry?""I cannot suppose it possible that she should.""I am monstrous glad of it. Good gracious! I havehad such a time of it! I never saw Lucy in such a ragein my life. She vowed at first she would never trim meup a new bonnet, nor do any thing else for me again,so long as she lived; but now she is quite come to,and we are as good friends as ever. Look, she made methis bow to my hat, and put in the feather last night.There now, you are going to laugh at me too. But whyshould not I wear pink ribbons? I do not care if it isthe Doctor's favourite colour. I am sure, for my part,I should never have known he did like it better thanany other colour, if he had not happened to say so.My cousins have been so plaguing me! I declare sometimesI do not know which way to look before them."She had wandered away to a subject on which Elinorhad nothing to say, and therefore soon judged it expedientto find her way back again to the first."Well, but Miss Dashwood," speaking triumphantly,"people may say what they chuse about Mr. Ferrars'sdeclaring he would not have Lucy, for it is no such thingI can tell you; and it is quite a shame for such ill-naturedreports to be spread abroad. Whatever Lucy might thinkabout it herself, you know, it was no business of otherpeople to set it down for certain.""I never heard any thing of the kind hinted at before,I assure you," said Elinor."Oh, did not you? But it was said, I know, very well,and by more than one; for Miss Godby told Miss Sparks,that nobody in their senses could expect Mr. Ferrarsto give up a woman like Miss Morton, with thirty thousandpounds to her fortune, for Lucy Steele that hadnothing at all; and I had it from Miss Sparks myself.And besides that, my cousin Richard said himself,that when it came to the point he was afraid Mr. Ferrarswould be off; and when Edward did not come near usfor three days, I could not tell what to think myself;and I believe in my heart Lucy gave it up all for lost;for we came away from your brother's Wednesday,and we saw nothing of him not all Thursday, Friday,and Saturday, and did not know what was become of him.Once Lucy thought to write to him, but then her spiritsrose against that. However this morning he came justas we came home from church; and then it all came out,how he had been sent for Wednesday to Harley Street,and been talked to by his mother and all of them,and how he had declared before them all that he lovednobody but Lucy, and nobody but Lucy would he have.And how he had been so worried by what passed,that as soon as he had went away from his mother's house,he had got upon his horse, and rid into the country,some where or other; and how he had stayed about at an innall Thursday and Friday, on purpose to get the betterof it. And after thinking it all over and over again,he said, it seemed to him as if, now he had no fortune,and no nothing at all, it would be quite unkind to keepher on to the engagement, because it must be for her loss,for he had nothing but two thousand pounds, and no hopeof any thing else; and if he was to go into orders,as he had some thoughts, he could get nothing but a curacy,and how was they to live upon that?--He could not bearto think of her doing no better, and so he begged,if she had the least mind for it, to put an end to thematter directly, and leave him shift for himself.I heard him say all this as plain as could possibly be.And it was entirely for her sake, and upon her account,that he said a word about being off, and not upon his own.I will take my oath he never dropt a syllable of beingtired of her, or of wishing to marry Miss Morton, or anything like it. But, to be sure, Lucy would not giveear to such kind of talking; so she told him directly(with a great deal about sweet and love, you know,and all that--Oh, la! one can't repeat such kind of thingsyou know)--she told him directly, she had not the leastmind in the world to be off, for she could live with himupon a trifle, and how little so ever he might have,she should be very glad to have it all, you know,or something of the kind. So then he was monstrous happy,and talked on some time about what they should do,and they agreed he should take orders directly,and they must wait to be married till he got a living.And just then I could not hear any more, for my cousincalled from below to tell me Mrs. Richardson was come inher coach, and would take one of us to Kensington Gardens;so I was forced to go into the room and interrupt them,to ask Lucy if she would like to go, but she did notcare to leave Edward; so I just run up stairs and puton a pair of silk stockings and came off with the Richardsons.""I do not understand what you mean by interrupting them,"said Elinor; "you were all in the same room together,were not you?""No, indeed, not us. La! Miss Dashwood, do youthink people make love when any body else is by? Oh,for shame!--To be sure you must know better than that.(Laughing affectedly.)--No, no; they were shut up in thedrawing-room together, and all I heard was only by listeningat the door.""How!" cried Elinor; "have you been repeating to mewhat you only learnt yourself by listening at the door?I am sorry I did not know it before; for I certainlywould not have suffered you to give me particulars of aconversation which you ought not to have known yourself.How could you behave so unfairly by your sister?""Oh, la! there is nothing in that. I only stood atthe door, and heard what I could. And I am sure Lucy wouldhave done just the same by me; for a year or two back,when Martha Sharpe and I had so many secrets together,she never made any bones of hiding in a closet, or behinda chimney-board, on purpose to hear what we said."Elinor tried to talk of something else; but MissSteele could not be kept beyond a couple of minutes,from what was uppermost in her mind."Edward talks of going to Oxford soon," said she;"but now he is lodging at No. --, Pall Mall. What anill-natured woman his monther is, an't she? And yourbrother and sister were not very kind! However,I shan't say anything against them to you; and to be surethey did send us home in their own chariot, whichwas more than I looked for. And for my part, I was allin a fright for fear your sister should ask us for thehuswifes she had gave us a day or two before; but, however,nothing was said about them, and I took care to keep mineout of sight. Edward have got some business at Oxford,he says; so he must go there for a time; and after that,as soon as he can light upon a Bishop, he will be ordained.I wonder what curacy he will get!--Good gracious!(giggling as she spoke) I'd lay my life I know whatmy cousins will say, when they hear of it. They willtell me I should write to the Doctor, to get Edwardthe curacy of his new living. I know they will; but I amsure I would not do such a thing for all the world.--'La!' I shall say directly, 'I wonder how you could thinkof such a thing? I write to the Doctor, indeed!'""Well," said Elinor, "it is a comfort to be preparedagainst the worst. You have got your answer ready."Miss Steele was going to reply on the same subject,but the approach of her own party made another more necessary."Oh, la! here come the Richardsons. I had a vast dealmore to say to you, but I must not stay away from them notany longer. I assure you they are very genteel people.He makes a monstrous deal of money, and they keep theirown coach. I have not time to speak to Mrs. Jennings aboutit myself, but pray tell her I am quite happy to hear sheis not in anger against us, and Lady Middleton the same;and if anything should happen to take you and yoursister away, and Mrs. Jennings should want company,I am sure we should be very glad to come and stay with herfor as long a time as she likes. I suppose Lady Middletonwon't ask us any more this bout. Good-by; I am sorryMiss Marianne was not here. Remember me kindly to her.La! if you have not got your spotted muslin on!--I wonderyou was not afraid of its being torn."Such was her parting concern; for after this, she hadtime only to pay her farewell compliments to Mrs. Jennings,before her company was claimed by Mrs. Richardson;and Elinor was left in possession of knowledge whichmight feed her powers of reflection some time, though shehad learnt very little more than what had been alreadyforeseen and foreplanned in her own mind. Edward's marriagewith Lucy was as firmly determined on, and the timeof its taking place remained as absolutely uncertain,as she had concluded it would be;--every thing depended,exactly after her expectation, on his getting that preferment,of which, at present, there seemed not the smallest chance.As soon as they returned to the carriage,Mrs. Jennings was eager for information; but as Elinorwished to spread as little as possible intelligencethat had in the first place been so unfairly obtained,she confined herself to the brief repetition of suchsimple particulars, as she felt assured that Lucy,for the sake of her own consequence, would chooseto have known. The continuance of their engagement,and the means that were able to be taken for promotingits end, was all her communication; and this producedfrom Mrs. Jennings the following natural remark."Wait for his having a living!--ay, we all know howthat will end:--they will wait a twelvemonth, and findingno good comes of it, will set down upon a curacy of fiftypounds a-year, with the interest of his two thousand pounds,and what little matter Mr. Steele and Mr. Pratt cangive her.--Then they will have a child every year! andLord help 'em! how poor they will be!--I must seewhat I can give them towards furnishing their house.Two maids and two men, indeed!--as I talked of t'otherday.--No, no, they must get a stout girl of all works.--Betty's sister would never do for them now."The next morning brought Elinor a letter by thetwo-penny post from Lucy herself. It was as follows:"Bartlett's Building, March. "I hope my dear Miss Dashwood will excuse theliberty I take of writing to her; but I know yourfriendship for me will make you pleased to hear sucha good account of myself and my dear Edward, afterall the troubles we have went through lately,therefore will make no more apologies, but proceedto say that, thank God! though we have suffereddreadfully, we are both quite well now, and as happyas we must always be in one another's love. We havehad great trials, and great persecutions, buthowever, at the same time, gratefully acknowledgemany friends, yourself not the least among them,whose great kindness I shall always thankfullyremember, as will Edward too, who I have told ofit. I am sure you will be glad to hear, as likewisedear Mrs. Jennings, I spent two happy hours withhim yesterday afternoon, he would not hear of ourparting, though earnestly did I, as I thought myduty required, urge him to it for prudence sake,and would have parted for ever on the spot, wouldhe consent to it; but he said it should never be,he did not regard his mother's anger, while he couldhave my affections; our prospects are not verybright, to be sure, but we must wait, and hope forthe best; he will be ordained shortly; and shouldit ever be in your power to recommend him to anybody that has a living to bestow, am very sure youwill not forget us, and dear Mrs. Jennings too,trust she will speak a good word for us to Sir John,or Mr. Palmer, or any friend that may be able toassist us.--Poor Anne was much to blame for whatshe did, but she did it for the best, so I saynothing; hope Mrs. Jennings won't think it too muchtrouble to give us a call, should she come this wayany morning, 'twould be a great kindness, and mycousins would be proud to know her.--My paper remindsme to conclude; and begging to be most gratefullyand respectfully remembered to her, and to Sir John,and Lady Middleton, and the dear children, when youchance to see them, and love to Miss Marianne,"I am, &c."As soon as Elinor had finished it, she performedwhat she concluded to be its writer's real design,by placing it in the hands of Mrs. Jennings, who read italoud with many comments of satisfaction and praise."Very well indeedaye,that was quite proper to let him be off if he would.That was just like Lucy.--Poor soul! I wish I could gethim a living, with all my heart.--She calls me dearMrs. Jennings, you see. She is a good-hearted girlas ever lived.--Very well upon my word. That sentenceis very prettily turned. Yes, yes, I will go and see her,sure enough. How attentive she is, to think of everybody!--Thank you, my dear, for shewing it me. It isas pretty a letter as ever I saw, and does Lucy's headand heart great credit."