The Beginning of the Armadillos

by Rudyard Kipling

　　THIS, O Best Beloved, is another story of the High andFar-Off Times. In the very middle of those times was a Stickly-Prickly Hedgehog, and he lived on the banks of the turbid Amazon,eating shelly snails and things. And he had a friend, a Slow-Solid Tortoise, who lived on the banks of the turbid Amazon,eating green lettuces and things. And so that was all right,Best Beloved. Do you see?But also, and at the same time, in those High and Far-Off Times,there was a Painted Jaguar, and he lived on the banks of theturbid Amazon too; and he ate everything that he could catch.When he could not catch deer or monkeys he would eat frogs andbeetles; and when he could not catch frogs and beetles he went tohis Mother Jaguar, and she told him how to eat hedgehogs andtortoises.She said to him ever so many times, graciously waving her tail,'My son, when you find a Hedgehog you must drop him into thewater and then he will uncoil, and when you catch a Tortoise youmust scoop him out of his shell with your paw.' And so that wasall right, Best Beloved.One beautiful night on the banks of the turbid Amazon, PaintedJaguar found Stickly-Prickly Hedgehog and Slow-Solid Tortoisesitting under the trunk of a fallen tree. They could not runaway, and so Stickly-Prickly curled himself up into a ball,because he was a Hedgehog, and Slow-Solid Tortoise drew in hishead and feet into his shell as far as they would go, because hewas a Tortoise; and so that was all right, Best Beloved. Do yousee?'Now attend to me,' said Painted Jaguar, 'because this is veryimportant. My mother said that when I meet a Hedgehog I am todrop him into the water and then he will uncoil, and when I meeta Tortoise I am to scoop him out of his shell with my paw. Nowwhich of you is Hedgehog and which is Tortoise? because, to savemy spots, I can't tell.''Are you sure of what your Mummy told you?' said Stickly-PricklyHedgehog. 'Are you quite sure? Perhaps she said that when youuncoil a Tortoise you must shell him out the water with a scoop,and when you paw a Hedgehog you must drop him on the shell.''Are you sure of what your Mummy told you?' said Slow-and-SolidTortoise. 'Are you quite sure? Perhaps she said that when youwater a Hedgehog you must drop him into your paw, and when youmeet a Tortoise you must shell him till he uncoils.''I don't think it was at all like that,' said Painted Jaguar, buthe felt a little puzzled; 'but, please, say it again moredistinctly.''When you scoop water with your paw you uncoil it with aHedgehog,' said Stickly-Prickly. 'Remember that, because it'simportant.''But,' said the Tortoise, 'when you paw your meat you drop itinto a Tortoise with a scoop. Why can't you understand?''You are making my spots ache,' said Painted Jaguar; 'andbesides, I didn't want your advice at all. I only wanted to knowwhich of you is Hedgehog and which is Tortoise.''I shan't tell you,' said Stickly-Prickly. 'but you can scoop meout of my shell if you like.''Aha!' said Painted Jaguar. 'Now I know you're Tortoise. Youthought I wouldn't! Now I will.' Painted Jaguar darted out hispaddy-paw just as Stickly-Prickly curled himself up, and ofcourse Jaguar's paddy-paw was just filled with prickles. Worsethan that, he knocked Stickly-Prickly away and away into thewoods and the bushes, where it was too dark to find him. Then heput his paddy-paw into his mouth, and of course the prickles hurthim worse than ever. As soon as he could speak he said, 'Now Iknow he isn't Tortoise at all. But'--and then he scratched hishead with his un-prickly paw--'how do I know that this other isTortoise?''But I am Tortoise,' said Slow-and-Solid. Your mother was quiteright. She said that you were to scoop me out of my shell withyour paw. Begin.''You didn't say she said that a minute ago, said Painted Jaguar,sucking the prickles out of his paddy-paw. 'You said she saidsomething quite different.''Well, suppose you say that I said that she said something quitedifferent, I don't see that it makes any difference; because ifshe said what you said I said she said, it's just the same as ifI said what she said she said. On the other hand, if you thinkshe said that you were to uncoil me with a scoop, instead ofpawing me into drops with a shell, I can't help that, can I?''But you said you wanted to be scooped out of your shell with mypaw,' said Painted Jaguar.'If you'll think again you'll find that I didn't say anything ofthe kind. I said that your mother said that you were to scoop meout of my shell,' said Slow-and-Solid.'What will happen if I do?' said the Jaguar most sniffily andmost cautious.'I don't know, because I've never been scooped out of my shellbefore; but I tell you truly, if you want to see me swim awayyou've only got to drop me into the water.'I don't believe it,' said Painted Jaguar. 'You've mixed up allthe things my mother told me to do with the things that you askedme whether I was sure that she didn't say, till I don't knowwhether I'm on my head or my painted tail; and now you come andtell me something I can understand, and it makes me more mixythan before. My mother told me that I was to drop one of you twointo the water, and as you seem so anxious to be dropped I thinkyou don't want to be dropped. So jump into the turbid Amazon andbe quick about it.''I warn you that your Mummy won't be pleased. Don't tell her Ididn't tell you,' said Slow-Solid.'If you say another word about what my mother said--' the Jaguaranswered, but he had not finished the sentence beforeSlow-and-Solid quietly dived into the turbid Amazon, swam underwater for a long way, and came out on the bank whereStickly-Prickly was waiting for him.'That was a very narrow escape,' said Stickly-Prickly. 'I don'trib Painted Jaguar. What did you tell him that you were?''I told him truthfully that I was a truthful Tortoise, but hewouldn't believe it, and he made me jump into the river to see ifI was, and I was, and he is surprised. Now he's gone to tell hisMummy. Listen to him!'They could hear Painted Jaguar roaring up and down among thetrees and the bushes by the side of the turbid Amazon, till hisMummy came.'Son, son!' said his mother ever so many times, graciously wavingher tail, 'what have you been doing that you shouldn't havedone?''I tried to scoop something that said it wanted to be scooped outof its shell with my paw, and my paw is full of per-ickles,' saidPainted Jaguar.'Son, son!' said his mother ever so many times, graciously wavingher tail, 'by the prickles in your paddy-paw I see that that musthave been a Hedgehog. You should have dropped him into the water.'I did that to the other thing; and he said he was a Tortoise,and I didn't believe him, and it was quite true, and he has divedunder the turbid Amazon, and he won't come up again, and Ihaven't anything at all to eat, and I think we had better findlodgings somewhere else. They are too clever on the turbid Amazonfor poor me!''Son, son!' said his mother ever so many times, graciously wavingher tail, 'now attend to me and remember what I say. A Hedgehogcurls himself up into a ball and his prickles stick out everywhich way at once. By this you may know the Hedgehog.''I don't like this old lady one little bit,' saidStickly-Prickly, under the shadow of a large leaf. 'I wonderwhat else she knows?''A Tortoise can't curl himself up,' Mother Jaguar went on, everso many times, graciously waving her tail. 'He only draws hishead and legs into his shell. By this you may know the tortoise.''I don't like this old lady at all--at all,' said Slow-and-SolidTortoise. 'Even Painted Jaguar can't forget those directions.It's a great pity that you can't swim, Stickly-Prickly.''Don't talk to me,' said Stickly-Prickly. 'Just think how muchbetter it would be if you could curl up. This is a mess! Listento Painted Jaguar.'Painted Jaguar was sitting on the banks of the turbid Amazonsucking prickles out of his Paws and saying to himself--'Can't curl, but can swim--Slow-Solid, that's him!Curls up, but can't swim--Stickly-Prickly, that's him!''He'll never forget that this month of Sundays,' saidStickly-Prickly. 'Hold up my chin, Slow-and-Solid. I'm going totry to learn to swim. It may be useful.''Excellent!' said Slow-and-Solid; and he held upStickly-Prickly's chin, while Stickly-Prickly kicked in thewaters of the turbid Amazon.'You'll make a fine swimmer yet,' said Slow-and-Solid. 'Now, ifyou can unlace my back-plates a little, I'll see what I can dotowards curling up. It may be useful.'Stickly-Prickly helped to unlace Tortoise's back-plates, so thatby twisting and straining Slow-and-Solid actually managed to curlup a tiddy wee bit.'Excellent!' said Stickly-Prickly; 'but I shouldn't do any morejust now. It's making you black in the face. Kindly lead me intothe water once again and I'll practice that side-stroke which yousay is so easy.' And so Stickly-Prickly practiced, and Slow-Solidswam alongside.'Excellent!' said Slow-and-Solid. 'A little more practice willmake you a regular whale. Now, if I may trouble you to unlace myback and front plates two holes more, I'll try that fascinatingbend that you say is so easy. Won't Painted Jaguar be surprised!''Excellent!' said Stickly-Prickly, all wet from the turbidAmazon. 'I declare, I shouldn't know you from one of my ownfamily. Two holes, I think, you said? A little more expression,please, and don't grunt quite so much, or Painted Jaguar may hearus. When you've finished, I want to try that long dive which yousay is so easy. Won't Painted Jaguar be surprised!'And so Stickly-Prickly dived, and Slow-and-Solid dived alongside.'Excellent!' said Slow-and-Solid. 'A leetle more attention toholding your breath and you will be able to keep house at thebottom of the turbid Amazon. Now I'll try that exercise ofputting my hind legs round my ears which you say is so peculiarlycomfortable. Won't Painted Jaguar be surprised!''Excellent!' said Stickly-Prickly. 'But it's straining yourback-plates a little. They are all overlapping now, instead oflying side by side.''Oh, that's the result of exercise,' said Slow-and-Solid. 'I'venoticed that your prickles seem to be melting into one another,and that you're growing to look rather more like a pinecone, andless like a chestnut-burr, than you used to.''Am I?' said Stickly-Prickly. 'That comes from my soaking in thewater. Oh, won't Painted Jaguar be surprised!'They went on with their exercises, each helping the other, tillmorning came; and when the sun was high they rested and driedthemselves. Then they saw that they were both of them quitedifferent from what they had been.'Stickly-Prickly,' said Tortoise after breakfast, 'I am not whatI was yesterday; but I think that I may yet amuse Painted Jaguar.'That was the very thing I was thinking just now,' said Stickly-Prickly. 'I think scales are a tremendous improvement onprickles--to say nothing of being able to swim. Oh, won't PaintedJaguar be surprised! Let's go and find him.'By and by they found Painted Jaguar, still nursing his paddy-pawthat had been hurt the night before. He was so astonished that hefell three times backward over his own painted tail withoutstopping.'Good morning!' said Stickly-Prickly. 'And how is your deargracious Mummy this morning?''She is quite well, thank you,' said Painted Jaguar; 'but youmust forgive me if I do not at this precise moment recall yourname.''That's unkind of you,' said Stickly-Prickly, 'seeing that thistime yesterday you tried to scoop me out of my shell with yourpaw.''But you hadn't any shell. It was all prickles,' said PaintedJaguar. 'I know it was. Just look at my paw!''You told me to drop into the turbid Amazon and be drowned,' saidSlow-Solid. 'Why are you so rude and forgetful to-day?''Don't you remember what your mother told you?' said Stickly-Prickly,--'Can't curl, but can swim--Stickly-Prickly, that's him!Curls up, but can't swim--Slow-Solid, that's him!'Then they both curled themselves up and rolled round and roundPainted Jaguar till his eyes turned truly cart-wheels in hishead.Then he went to fetch his mother.'Mother,' he said, 'there are two new animals in the woods to-day, and the one that you said couldn't swim, swims, and the onethat you said couldn't curl up, curls; and they've gone shares intheir prickles, I think, because both of them are scaly all over,instead of one being smooth and the other very prickly; and,besides that, they are rolling round and round in circles, and Idon't feel comfy.''Son, son!' said Mother Jaguar ever so many times, graciouslywaving her tail, 'a Hedgehog is a Hedgehog, and can't be anythingbut a Hedgehog; and a Tortoise is a Tortoise, and can never beanything else.''But it isn't a Hedgehog, and it isn't a Tortoise. It's a littlebit of both, and I don't know its proper name.''Nonsense!' said Mother Jaguar. 'Everything has its proper name.I should call it "Armadillo" till I found out the real one. And Ishould leave it alone.'So Painted Jaguar did as he was told, especially about leavingthem alone; but the curious thing is that from that day to this,O Best Beloved, no one on the banks of the turbid Amazon has evercalled Stickly-Prickly and Slow-Solid anything except Armadillo.There are Hedgehogs and Tortoises in other places, of course(there are some in my garden); but the real old and clever kind,with their scales lying lippety-lappety one over the other, likepine-cone scales, that lived on the banks of the turbid Amazon inthe High and Far-Off Days, are always called Armadillos, becausethey were so clever.So that; all right, Best Beloved. Do you see? I'VE never sailed the Amazon, I've never reached Brazil; But the Don and Magdelana, They can go there when they will! Yes, weekly from Southampton, Great steamers, white and gold, Go rolling down to Rio (Roll down--roll down to Rio!) And I'd like to roll to Rio Some day before I'm old! I've never seen a Jaguar, Nor yet an Armadill O dilloing in his armour, And I s'pose I never will, Unless I go to Rio These wonders to behold-- Roll down--roll down to Rio-- Roll really down to Rio! Oh, I'd love to roll to Rio Some day before I'm old!