IV. Only One

by Ring Lardner

　　ABOUT a week after this, the Mrs. made the remark that the Decker wasn'tbig enough to hold both she and Perkins."She treats us like garbage," says the Mrs., "and if I stay here muchlonger I'll forget myself and do her nose in a braid."But Perk left first and saved us the trouble. Her husband was down in Texaslooking after some oil gag and he wired her a telegram one day to come andjoin him as it looked like he would have to stay there all summer. If I'dof been him I'd of figured that Texas was a sweet enough summer resortwithout adding your wife to it.We was out on the porch when her ladyship and two dogs shoved off."Three of a kind," said the Mrs.And she stuck her tongue out at Perk and felt like that made it all even. Awoman won't stop at nothing to revenge insults. I've saw them stagger homein a new pair of 3 double A shoes because some fresh clerk told them the 7Ds they tried on was too small. So anyway we decided to stay on at theDecker and the two gals prettied themselves up every night for dinner inthe hopes that somebody besides the head waiter would look at them twice,but we attracted about as much attention as a dirty finger nail in thethird grade.That is, up till Herbert Daley come on the scene.Him and Katie spotted each other at the same time. It was the night he cometo the Decker. We was pretty near through dinner when the head waitershowed him to a table a little ways from us. The majority of the guests outthere belongs to the silly sex and a new man is always a riot, even withthe married ones. But Daley would of knocked them dead anywheres. He lookedlike he was born and raised in Shubert's chorus and the minute he danced inall the womenfolks forgot the feed bag and feasted their eyes on him. Asfor Daley, after he'd glanced at the bill of fare, he let his peepers rollover towards our table and then they quit rolling. A cold stare from Katemight have scared him off, but if they was ever a gal with "Welcome"embroidered on her pan, she's it.It was all I could do to tear Ella and Sis from the dining room, thoughthey was usually in a hurry to romp out to the summer parlor and enjoy afew snubs. I'd just as soon of set one place as another, only for thewaitress, who couldn't quit till we did and she generally always had a datewith the big ski jumper the hotel hires to destroy trunks.Well, we went out and listened a wile to the orchestra, which had brought alot of new jazz from the Prince of Pilsen, and we waited for the new dudeto show up, but he didn't, and finally I went in to the desk to buy acouple of cigars and there he was, talking to Wurz, the manager. Wurzintroduced us and after we'd shook hands Daley excused himself and said hewas going upstairs to write a letter. Then Wurz told me he was Daley thehorseman."He just came up from the South," says Wurz. "He's going to be with us tillthe meetings is over at Jamaica and Belmont. He's got a whale of a stableand he expects to clean up round New York with Only One, which he claimscan beat any horse in the world outside of Man o' War. They's some othergood ones in the bunch, too, and he says he'll tell me when he's going tobet on them. I don't only bet once in a long wile and then never more than$25 at a crack, but I'll take this baby's tips as often as he comes throughwith them. I guess a man won't make no mistake following a bird that betsfive and ten thousand at a clip, though of course it don't mean much to himif he win or lose. He's dirty with it."I asked Wurz if Daley was married and he said no."And listen," he says: "It looks like your little sister-in-law had hit himfor a couple of bases. He described where she was setting in the diningroom and asked who she was.""Yes," I said, "I noticed he was admiring somebody at our table, but Ithought maybe it was me.""He didn't mention you," says Wurz, "only to make sure you wasn't MissKate's husband.""If he was smart he'd know that without asking," I said. "If she was mywife I'd be wearing weeds."I went back to the gals and told them I'd met the guy. They was all steamedup."Who is he?" says Kate."His name is Herbert Daley," I told her. "He's got a stable over toJamaica.""A stable!" says Ella, dropping her jaw. "A man couldn't dress like he andrun a livery."So I had to explain that he didn't run no livery, but owned a string ofrace horses."How thrilling!" says Katie. "I love races! I went to the Grand Circuitonce, the time I was in Columbus.""These is different," I says. "These is thurlbreds.""So was they thurlbreds!" she says. "You always think a thing can't be nogood if you wasn't there."I let her win that one."We must find out when the race is and go," said the Mrs."They's six of them every day," I said, "but it costs about five smackersapiece to get in, to say nothing about what you lose betting.""Betting!" says Katie. "I just love to bet and I never lose. Don't youremember the bet I made with Sammy Pass on the baseball that time? I tookhim for a five-pound box of candy. I just felt that Cincinnati was going towin.""So did the White Sox," I says. "But if you bet with the boys over toJamaica, the only candy they'll take you for is an all-day sucker.""What did Mr. Daley have to say?" asked Ella."He had to say he was pleased to meet me," I told her. "He proved it bychasing upstairs to write a letter.""Probably to his wife," said Kate."No," I said. "Wurz tells me he ain't got no wife. But he's got plenty ofjack, so Wurz says.""Well, Sis," says the Mrs., "that's no objection to him, is it?""Don't be silly!" said Katie. "He wouldn't look at me.""I guess not!" I says. "He was so busy doing it in the dining room, thathalf his soup never got past his chin. And listen: I don't like to get youexcited, but Wurz told me he asked who you was.""O Sis!" said the Mrs. "It looks like a Romance.""Wurz didn't say nothing about a Romance," said I. "He may be interestedlike the rubes who stare with their mouth open at Ringling's 'StrangePeople.'""Oh, you can't tease Sis like that," said Ella. "She's as pretty as apicture to-night and nobody could blame a man from admiring her.""Especially when we don't know nothing about him," I says. "He may be asnow-eater or his upstairs rooms is unfurnished or something.""Well," says Ella, "if he shows up again to-night, don't you forget tointroduce us.""Better not be in no hurry," I said."Why not?" said Ella. "If him and Sis likes each other's looks, why, thesooner they get acquainted, it won't hurt nothing.""I don't know," I says. "I've noticed that most of the birds you chose fora brother-in-law only stayed in the family as long as they was strangers.""Nobody said nothing about Mr. Daley as a brother-in-law," says Ella."Oh!" I said. "Then I suppose you want Katie to meet him so as she can landa hostler's job."Well, in about a half hour, the gals got their wish and Daley showed up. Ididn't have to pull no strategy to land him. He headed right to where wewas setting like him and I was old pals. I made the introductions and hedrawed up a chair and parked. The rest of the guests stared at usgoggle-eyed."Some hotel!" says Daley."We like it," says the Mrs. "They's so many nice people lives here.""We know by hearsay," I said, but she stepped on my foot."It's handy for me," said Daley. "I have a few horses over to the Jamaicarace track and it's a whole lot easier to come here than go in Town everynight.""Do you attend the races every day?" says Katie."Sure," he says. "It's my business. And they's very few afternoons when oneof my nags ain't entered.""My! You must have a lot of them!" said Kate."Not many," says Daley. "About a hundred. And I only shipped thirty.""Imagine!" said Kate."The army's got that many," I said."The army ain't got none like mine," says Daley. "I guess they wished theyhad of had. I'd of been glad to of helped them out, too, if they'd askedme.""That's why I didn't enlist," I said. "Pershing never even suggested it.""Oh, I done my bit all right," says Daley. "Two hundred thousand in LibertyBonds is all.""Just like throwing it away!" I says."Two hundred thousand!" says Ella. "And you've still got money left?"She said this in a joking way, but she kept the receiver to her ear."I ain't broke yet," says Daley, "and I don't expect to be.""You don't half know this hotel," I says."The Decker does charge good prices," said Daley, "but still and all, aperson is willing to pay big for the opportunity of meeting young ladieslike the present company.""O Mr. Daley!" said Kate. "I'm afraid you're a flatterer.""I bet he makes them pretty speeches to every woman he meets," says Ella."I haven't met none before who I felt like making them," says Daley.Wile they was still talking along these lines, the orchestra begin to droola Perfect Day, so I ducked out on the porch for air. The gals worked fastwile I was gone and when I come back it was arranged that Daley was to takeus to the track next afternoon in his small car.His small car was a toy that only had enough room for the people that findsfault with Wilson. I suppose he had to leave his big car in New York onaccount of the Fifty-ninth Street bridge being so frail.Before we started Iasked our host if they was a chance to get anything to drink over to thetrack and he says no, but pretty near everybody brought something along onthe hip, so I said for them to wait a minute wile I went up to the room andfilled a flask. When we was all in the car, the Mrs. wanted to know if itwasn't risky, me taking the hootch along."It's against the prohibition law," she says."So am I," I said."They's no danger," says Daley. "They ain't began to force prohibition yet.I only wished they had. It would save me a little worry about my boy.""Your boy!" said Katie, dropping her jaw a foot."Well, I call him my boy," says Daley. "I mean little Sid Mercer, thatrides for me. He's the duke of them all when he lays off the liquor. He'sgave me his word that he won't touch nothing as long as he's under contractto me, and he's kept straight so far, but I can't help from worr'ing abouthim. He ought to be good, though, when I pay him $20,000 for first call,and leave him make all he can on the side. But he ain't got much stren'thof character, you might say, and if something upsets him, he's liable tobust things wide open."I remember once he was stuck on a gal down in Louisville and he wassupposed to ride Great Scott for Bradley in the Derby. He was the only onethat could handle Scott right, and with him up Scott would of win as far asfrom here to Dallas. But him and the gal had a brawl the day before therace and that night the kid got stiff. When it come time for the race hecouldn't of kept a seat on a saw horse. Bradley had to hustle round and digup another boy and Carney was the only one left that could ride at all andhim and Great Scott was strangers. So Bradley lose the race and cannedMercer.""Whisky's a terrible thing," says Ella. A woman'll sometimes pretend for along wile like she's stupid and all of a sudden pull a wise crack thatproves she's a thinker."Well," says Daley, "when Bradley give him the air, I took him, and he'sbeen all right. I guess maybe I know how to handle men.""Men only?" says Katie, smiling."Men and horses," said Daley. "I ain't never tried to handle the fair sexand I don't know if I could or not. But I've just met one that I thinkcould handle me." And he give her a look that you could pour on a waffle.Daley had a table saved for him in the clubhouse and we eat our lunch. Thegals had clubhouse sandwiches, probably figuring they was caught freshthere. They was just one of Daley's horses entered that day and he told ushe wasn't going to bet on it, as it hadn't never showed nothing and thiswas just a try-out. He said, though, that they was other horses on the cardthat looked good and maybe he would play them after he'd been round andtalked to the boys."Yes," says Kate, "but the men you'll talk to knows all about the differenthorses and they'll tell you what horses to bet on and how can I win?""Why," says Daley, "if I decide to make a little bet on So-and-So I'll tellyou about it and you can bet on the same horse.""But if I'm betting with you," says Kate, "how can we bet on the samehorse?""You're betting with me, but you ain't betting against me," said Daley."This ain't a bet like you was betting with your sister on a football gameor something. We place our bets with the bookmakers, that makes theirliving taking bets. Whatever horses we want to bet on, they take the bet.""They must be crazy!" says Katie. "Your friends tell you what horse isgoing to win and you bet on them and the bookbinders is stung.""My friends makes mistakes," says Daley, "and besides, I ain't the only guyout here that bets. Pretty near everybody at the track bets and the most ofthem don't know a race horse from a corn plaster. A bookmaker that don'tfinish ahead on the season's a cuckoo. Now," he says, "if you'll excuse mefor a few minutes, I'll go down to the paddock and see what's new."So wile he was gone we had a chance to look round and they was plenty tosee. It was a Saturday and a big crowd out. Lots of them was gals thatyou'd have to have a pick to break through to their regular face. Sincethey had their last divorce, about the only excitement they could enjoy wasplaying a long shot. Which reminds me that they's an old saying that nobodyloves a fat man, but you go out to a race track or down to Atlantic City orany place where the former wifes hangs out and if you'll notice the birdswith them, the gents that broke up their home, you'll find out that themost of them is guys with chins that runs into five and six figures andonce round their waist is a sleeper jump.Besides the Janes and the fat rascals with them, you seen a flock of hamactors that looked like they'd spent the night in a Chinese snowstorm, andmaybe a half a dozen losers' end boxers that'd used the bridge of theirnose to block with and always got up in the morning just after the clockhad struck ten, thinking they'd been counted out.Pretty near everybody wore a pair of field glasses on a strap and when therace was going on they'd look through them and tell the world that thehorse they'd bet on was three len'ths in front and just as good as in, butI never heard of a bookie paying off on that dope, and personally whensomeone would insist on lending me a pair to look through I couldn't tellif the things out there racing was horses or gnats.Daley was back with us in a few minutes and says to Kate: "I guess you'llhave to bet on yourself in the first race."So she asked him what did he mean and he said: "I had a tip on a fillynamed Sweet and Pretty.""O Mr. Daley!" says Kate."They don't expect her to win," says Daley, "but she's six, two and even,and I'm going to play her place and show."Then he explained what that was and he said he was going to bet a thousandeach way and finally the gals decided to go in for $10 apiece to show. Ittickled them to death to find out that they didn't have to put up nothing.We found seats down in front wile Daley went to place the bets. Pretty soonthe horses come out and Kate and Ella both screamed when they seen how cutethe jockeys was dressed. Sweet and Pretty was No. 10 and had a combinationof colors that would knock your eye out. Daley come back and explained thatevery owner had their own colors and of course the gals wanted to know whathis was and he told them Navy blue and orange sleeves with black whoops onthem and a blue cap."How beautiful!" says Ella. "I can't hardly wait to see them!""You must have wonderful taste in colors!" says Kate."Not only in colors," he says."O Mr. Daley!" she says again.Well, the race was ran and No. 10 was a Sweet and Pretty last."Now," I says, "you O Mr. Daley."The gals had yelped themself hoarse and didn't have nothing to say, but Icould tell from their face that it would take something more than a fewpretty speeches to make up for that twenty men."Never mind that!" said Daley. "She got a rotten ride. We'll get that backon the next one."His hunch in the next one was Sena Day and he was betting a thousand on herto place at 4 to 1. He made the gals go in for $20 apiece, though theydidn't do it with no pep. I went along with him to place the bets and heintroduced me to a bookie so as I could bet a few smackers of my own when Ifelt like it. You know they's a law against betting unless it's a littlebet between friends and in order to be a bookie's friend he's got to knowyour name. A quick friendship sprung up between I and a guy named JoeMeyer, and he not only give me his card but a whole deck of them. You seethe law also says that when you make one of these bets with your pals hecan't give you no writing to show for it, but he's generally always a manthat makes a lot of friends and it seems like they all want to makefriendly bets with him, and he can't remember where all his buddies lives,so he makes them write their names and address on the cards and how muchthe friendly wager is for and who on, and so forth, and the next day hemails them the bad news and they mail him back a check for same. Once in awile, of course, you get the bad news and forget to mail him the check andhe feels blue over it as they's nothing as sad as breaking up an oldfriendship.I laid off Sena Day and she win. Daley smiled at the gals."There!" he says. "I'm sorry we didn't play her on the nose, but I wasadvised to play safe.""Fine advice!" said Kate. "It's cost Sis and I $60 so far.""What do you mean?" says Daley."We lose $20 on the first race," she says, "and you tell us we'll get itback on the next one and we bet the horse'll come second and it don't."So we had to explain that if a horse win, why it placed, too, and her andElla had grabbed $160 on that race and was $140 ahead. He was $2,000winners himself."We'll have a drink on Sena," he says. "I don't believe they was six peopleout here that bet a nickel on her."So Katie told him he was wonderful and him and the gals had a sarsaparillaor something and I poured my own. He'd been touting Cleopatra in the thirdrace, but her and everybody else was scratched out of it except CaptainAlcock and On Watch. On Watch was 9 to 10 and Alcock even money and Daleywouldn't let us bet."On Watch is best," he says, "but he's giving away twenty pounds and youcan't tell. Anyway, it ain't worth it at that price.""Only two horses in the race?" asked Ella."That's all," he says."Well, then, listen," she says, all excited: "Why not bet on one of themfor place?"Daley laughed and said it was a grand idear only he didn't think thebookbinders would stand for it."But maybe they don't know," she says."I guess they do," said Daley. "It's almost impossible to keep a secretlike that round a race track.""Besides," I said, "the bookworms owes you and Kate $70 apiece and if youput something like that over on them and they find it out, they'll probablyget even by making you a check on the West Bank of the Hudson River."So we decided to play fair and lay off the race entirely. On Watch comethrough and the gals felt pretty bad about it till we showed them thatthey'd of only grabbed off nine smackers apiece if they'd of plunged on himfor $20 straight.Along toward time for the next race, Daley steered us down by the paddockand we seen some of the nags close up. Daley and the gals raved over thisone and that one, and wasn't this one a beauty, and so forth. Personallythey was all just a horse to me and I never seen one yet that wasn'thomelier than the City Hall. If they left it up to me to name the world'schampion eyesore, I'd award the elegant barb' wire wash rag to a horse rodeby a woman in a derby hat. People goes to the Horse Show to see the Countde Fault; they don't know a case of withers from an off hind hock. And ifthe Sport of Kings was patronized by just birds that admires equine charms,you could park the Derby Day crowd in a phone booth.A filly named Tamarisk was the favorite in the fourth race and Daley playedher for eight hundred smackers at 4 to 5. The gals trailed along with $8apiece and she win from here to Worcester. The fifth was the one that Daleyhad an entry in--a dog named Fly-by-Night. It was different in the daytime.Mercer had the mount and done the best he could, which was finish beforesupper. Nobody bet, so nobody was hurt."He's just a green colt," Daley told us. "I wanted to see how he'd behave.""Well," I said, "I thought he behaved like a born caboose."Daley liked the Waterbury entry in the last and him and the gals played itand win. All told, Daley was $4,000 ahead on the day and Ella and Kate hadpicked up $160 between them. They wanted to kiss everybody on the way out.Daley sent us to the car to wait for him. He wanted to see Mercer a minute.After a wile he come out and brought Mercer along and introduced him. He'sa good-looking kid only for a couple of blotches on his pan and got anunder lip and chin that kind of lags behind. He was about Kate's height,and take away his Adams apple and you could mail him to Duluth for sixcents. Him and Kate got personal right away and she told him how differenthe looked now than in his riding make-up. He said he had a new outfit thathe'd of wore if he'd knew she was looking on. So I said I hoped he didn'texpect to ride Fly-by-Night round the track and keep a suit new, and helaughed, and Daley didn't seem to enjoy the conversation and said we'd haveto be going, but when we started off, Kate and Mercer give each other asmile with a future in it. She's one of these gals that can't help fromlooking open house, even if the guy takes after a pelican.Daley moved to our table that night and after that we eat breakfast andsupper with him pretty near every day. After breakfast the gals would godown to New York to spend what they had win the day before, and I'll admitthat Daley give us many a winner. I begin betting a little of my own jack,but I stuck the proceeds in the old sock. I ain't superstitious aboutliving off a woman's money as long as you're legally married, but at theclip the two gals was going, it looked like their old man's war profits wason the way to join their maker, and the more jack I laid by, the lesssooner I would have to go to work.We'd meet every afternoon at the track and after the races Daley'd bring usback to the hotel. After supper we'd set round and chin or play rummy oronce in a wile we'd go in Town to a show or visit one of the road housesnear the Decker. The mail service on Long Island's kind of rotten andthey's a bunch of road houses that hasn't heard of prohibition.During the time we'd lived in Town Katie had got acquainted with three orfour birds that liked her well enough to take her places where they wasn'tno cover charge, but since we'd moved to the Decker we hadn't heard fromnone of them. That is, till a few days after we'd met Daley, when she toldus that one of the New York boys, a guy named Goldberg, had called up andwanted her to come in and see a show with him. He's a golf champion orsomething. Well, Daley offered to drive her in, but she said no, she'drather go on the train and Goldberg was going to meet her. So she went, andDaley tried to play cards with Ella and I, but he was too restless andfinally snuck up to his room.They wasn't no question about his feelings toward Kate. He was alwaystrying to fix it to be alone with her, but I guess it was the first time inher life when she didn't have to do most of the leading and she kept him atarm's len'th. Her and Ella had many a battle. Ella told her that the firstthing she knowed he'd get discouraged and walk out on her; that she'd oughtto quit monking and give him to understand that she was ready to yes himwhen he spoke up. But Katie said she guessed she could run her own loveaffairs as she'd had a few more of them than Ella.So Ella says: "Maybe you have, but which one of us has got the husband?""You, thank the Lord!" says Katie."Thank him twice," I said.Kate didn't come home from her New York party till two o'clock and sheoverslept herself till it was too late to go down again and shop. So we alldrove over to the track with Daley and most of the way over he acted like achild. Katie kept talking about what a good show she seen and had a grandtime, and so forth, and he pretended he wasn't listening. Finally she cutit out and give him the old oil and by the time we got to the clubhousehe'd tossed in the sponge.That was the last day at Jamaica and a couple of his horses was in. We wasall down on them and they both copped, though Mercer had to give one ofthem a dude ride to pull us through. Daley got maudlin about what a grandrider the kid was and a grand little fella besides, and he had half anotion to bring him along with us back to the hotel and show him a goodtime. But Kate said what was the use of an extra man, as it would kind ofspoil things and she was satisfied with just Daley. So of course thattickled him and everybody was feeling good and after supper him and Katesnuck out alone for the first time. Ella made me set up till they comeback, so as she could get the news. Well, Daley had asked her all right,but she told him she wanted a little wile to think."Think!" says Ella. "What does she want to think for?""The novelty, I suppose," said I.Only One was in the big stake race the next day, when we shifted over toBelmont. They was five or six others in with him, all of them pretty good,and the price on him was 3 to 1. He hadn't started yet since Daley'dbrought him here, but they'd been nursing him along and Mercer and thetrainer said he was right.I suppose of course you've been out to Belmont. At that time they run thewrong way of the track, like you deal cards. Daley's table was in a cornerof the clubhouse porch and when you looked up the track, the horses wascoming right at you. Even the boys with the trick glasses didn't dastpretend they could tell who's ahead.The Belmont national hymn is Whispering. The joint's so big and scatteredround that a German could sing without disturbing the party at the nexttable. But they seems to be a rule that when they's anything to be said,you got to murmur it with the lips stuck to the opponent's earlobe. Theyshush you if you ask out loud for a toothpick. Everywheres you'll see twoor three guys with their heads together in a whispering scene. One of themhas generally always just been down to the horses' dining room and hadlunch with Man o' War or somebody and they told him to play Sea Mint in thenext race as Cleopatra had walked the stall all night with her foal. Alittle ways off they'll be another pair of shushers and one of them's had aphone call from Cleopatra's old dam to put a bet on Cleo as Captain Alcockhad got a hold of some wild oats and they couldn't make him do nothing butshimmy.If they's ten horses in a race you can walk from one end of the clubhouseto the other and get a whisper on all ten of them. I remember the secondtime Man o' War run there. They was only one horse that wanted to watch himfrom the track and the War horse was 1 to 100. So just before the race, ifyou want to call it that, I seen a wise cracker that I'd got acquaintedwith, that had always been out last night with Madden or Waterbury, so justkidding I walked up to him and asked him who he liked. So he motioned me tocome over against the wall where they wasn't nobody near us and whispered,"Man o' War's unbeatable." You see if that remark had of been overheard andthe news allowed to spread round, it might of forced the price to, say, 1to a lump of coal, and spoiled the killing.Well, wile the Jamaica meeting was on, the gals had spent some of theirspare time figuring out how much they'd of been ahead if Daley had of letthem bet more than ten to twenty smackers a race. So this day at Belmont,they said that if he liked Only One so much, he should ought to leave themraise the ante just once and play fifty apiece.But he says: "No, not this time. I'm pretty sure he'll win, but he's inagainst a sweet field and he ain't raced for a month. I'll bet forty on thenose for the two of you, and if he looks good you can gamble some realmoney the next time he runs."So Ella and Kate had to be satisfied with $20 apiece. Daley himself bet$2,000 and I piked along with $200 that I didn't tell the gals nothingabout. We all got 3 to 1. A horse named Streak of Lightning was favorite at6 to 5. It was a battle. Only One caught the Streak in the last step andwin by a flea's jaw. Everybody was in hysterics and the gals got all messedup clawing each other."Nobody but Mercer could of did it!" says Daley, as soon as he could talk."He's some jockey!" yelled Kate. "O you Sid!"Pretty soon, the time was give out and Only One had broke the track recordfor the distance, whatever it was."He's a race horse!" said Daley. "But it's too bad he had to extendhimself. We won't get no price the next time out."Well, altogether the race meant $14,000 to Daley, and he said we'd all goto Town that night and celebrate. But when we got back to the Decker, theywas a telegram for him and he had to pack up and beat it for Kentucky.Daley being away didn't stop us from going to the track. He'd left orderswith Ernest, his driver, to take us wherever we wanted to go and the galshad it so bad now that they couldn't hardly wait till afternoon. They kepton trimming the books, too. Kate got a phone call every morning that shesaid was from this Goldberg and he was giving her tips. Her and Ella playedthem and I wished I had. I would of if I'd knew who they was from. They wasfrom Mercer, Daley's boy. That's who they was from.I and Ella didn't wise up till about the third night after Daley'd went.That night, Kate took the train to Town right after supper, saying she hada date with Goldberg. It was a swell night and along about eight, I andElla decided we might as well have a ride. So we got a hold of Ernest andit wound up by us going to New York too. We seen a picture and batted roundtill midnight and then Ella says why not go down to the PennsylvaniaStation and pick Kate up when she come to take the train, and bring herhome. So we done it. But when Katie showed up for the train, it was Mercerthat was with her, not Goldberg.Well, Mercer was pretty near out to the car with us when he happened tothink that Daley's driver mustn't see him. So he said good night and leftus. But he didn't do it quick enough. Daley's driver had saw him and I seenthat he'd saw him and I knowed that he wasn't liable to be stuck on anotherof Daley's employs that was getting ten times as much money as him and allthe cheers, and never had to dirty himself up changing a tire. And I bet itwas all Ernest could do was wait till Daley come back so as he couldexplode the boom.Kate and Ella didn't know Ernest was hep and I didn't tell them for fear ofspoiling the show, so the women done their brawling on the way home in aregular race track whisper. The Mrs. told Kate she was a hick to be monkinground with a jockey when Daley was ready and willing to give her a modernhome with a platinum stopper in the washbowl. Kate told Ella that shewasn't going to marry nobody for their money, and besides, Mercer wasmaking more than enough to support a wife, and how that boy can dance!"But listen," she says: "I ain't married to neither one of them yet anddon't know if I want to be.""Well," says Ella, "you won't have no chance to marry Daley if he finds outabout you and Mercer.""He won't find out unless you tell him," said Kate."Well, I'll tell him," says Ella, "unless you cut this monkey businessout.""I'll cut it out when I get good and ready," says Kate. "You can tell Daleyanything you please."She knew they wasn't no chance of Ella making good."Daley'll be back in a couple of days," says the Mrs. "When he comes he'llwant his answer and what are you going to say?""Yes or no, according to which way I make up my mind," said Kate. "I don'tknow yet which one I like best.""That's ridic'lous!" Ella says. "When a girl says she can't make up hermind, it shows they's nothing to make up. Did you ever see me when Icouldn't make up my mind?""No," said Katie, "but you never had even one whole man to choose between."The last half of the ride neither of them were talking. That's a world'srecord in itself. They kind of made up the next morning after I'd told Ellathat the surest way to knock Daley's chances for a gool was to pasteMercer."Just lay off of it," I told her. "The best man'll win in fair competition,which it won't be if you keep plugging for Daley."We had two more pretty fair days at the track on Kate's tips that Mercergive her. We also went on a party with him down Town, but we used thetrain, not Daley's car.Daley showed up on a Wednesday morning and had Ernest take him right overto the track. I suppose it was on this trip that Ernest squealed. Daleydidn't act no different when we joined him on the clubhouse porch, but thatnight him and Kate took a ride alone and come back engaged.They'd been pointing Only One for the Merrick Handicap, the fourth race onSaturday. It was worth about $7,000 to the winner. The distance was sevenfurlongs and Only One had top weight, 126 pounds. But Thursday he done atrial over the distance in 1.22, carrying 130 pounds, so it looked like aset-up.Thursday morning I and Ella happened to be in Katie's room when thetelephone rung. It was Mercer on the other end. He asked her something andshe says: "I told you why in my note."So he said something else and she says: "Not with no jailbird."And she hung up.Well, Ella wanted to know what all the pleasantries was about, but Katetold her to mind her own business."You got your wish and I'm engaged to Daley," she says, "and that's all youneed to know."For a gal that was going to marry a dude that was supposed to have all themoney in the world, she didn't act just right, but she wouldn't been Kateif she had of, so I didn't think much about it.Friday morning I got a wire from one of the South Bend boys, Goat Anderson,sent from Buffalo, saying he'd be in New York that night and would I meethim at the Belmont at seven o'clock. So I went in Town from the track andwaited round till pretty near nine, but he didn't show up. I started towalk across to the Pennsylvania Station and on the way I dropped in at aplace where they was still taking a chance. I had one up at the bar and wasthrowing it into me when a guy in the back part yelled "Hey! Come here!" Itwas Mercer yelling and it was me he wanted.He was setting at a table all alone with a highball. It didn't take noCraig Kennedy to figure out that it wasn't his first one."Set down before I bat you down!" he says."Listen," I says: "I wished you was champion of the world. You'd hold ontothe title just long enough for me to reach over and sock you where mostguys has a chin.""Set down!" he says. "It's your wife I'm going to beat up, not you.""You ain't going to beat up nobody's wife or nobody's husband," I says,"and if you don't cut out that line of gab you'll soon be asking the nursehow you got there.""Set down and come clean with me," he says. "Was your wife the one thattold Daley about your sister-in-law and I?""If she did, what of it?" I says."I'm asking you, did she?" he says."No, she didn't," I said. "If somebody told him his driver told him. Heseen you the other night.""Ernest!" he says. "Frank and Ernest! I'll Ernest him right in the jaw!""You're a fine matchmaker!" I says. "He could knock you for a row of flattires. Why don't you try and get mad at Dempsey?""Set down and have a drink," says Mercer."I didn't mean that about your wife. You and her has treated me all right.And your sister-in-law, too, even if she did give me the air. And called mea jailbird. But that's all right. It's Daley I'm after and it's Daley I'mgoing to get.""Sweet chance!" I says. "What could you do to him?""Wait and see!" said Mercer, and smiled kind of silly."Listen," I says. "Have you forgot that you're supposed to ride Only Oneto-morrow?""Supposed to ride is right," he says, and smiled again."Ain't you going to ride him?" I said."You bet I am!" he says."Well, then," I said, "you better call it a day and go home.""I'm over twenty-one," he says, "and I'm going to set here and enjoymyself. But remember, I ain't keeping you up."Well, they wasn't nothing I could do only set there and wait for him to getstiff and then see him to his hotel. We had a drink and we had another anda couple more. Finally he opened up. I wished you could of heard him. Ittook him two hours to tell his story, and everything he said, he said itover and over and repeated it four and five times. And part of the time hetalked so thick that I couldn't hardly get him."Listen," he says. "Can you keep a secret? Listen," he says. "I'm going totake a chance with you on account of your sister-in-law. I loved thatlittle gal. She's give me the air, but that don't make no difference; Iloved that little gal and I don't want her to lose no money. So I'm goingto tell you a secret and if you don't keep your clam shut I'll roll you fora natural. In the first place," he says, "how do you and Daley stack up?""That ain't no secret," I said. "I think he's all right. He's been a goodfriend of mine.""Oh," says Mercer, "so he's been a good friend of yours, has he? All right,then. I'm going to tell you a secret. Do you remember the day I met you andthe gals in the car? Well, a couple of days later, Daley was feeling prettygood about something and he asked me how I liked his gal? So I told him shelooked good. So he says, 'I'm going to marry that gal,' he says. He says,'She likes me and her sister and brother-in-law is encouraging it along,'he says. 'They know I've got a little money and they're making a play forme. They're a couple of rats and I'm the cheese. They're going to make ameal off of me. They think they are,' he says. 'But the brother-in-law's asmart Aleck that thinks he's a wise cracker. He'd be a clown in a circus,only that's work. And his wife's fishing for a sucker with her sister forbait. Well, the gal's a pip and I'm going to marry her,' he says, 'but assoon as we're married, it's good-by, family-in-law! Me and them is going tobe perfect strangers. They think they'll have free board and lodging at myhouse,' he says, 'but they won't get no meal unless they come to the backdoor for it, and when they feel sleepy they can make up a lower forthemself on my cement porch.' That's the kind of a friend of yours thisbaby is," says Mercer.I didn't say nothing and he went on."He's your friend as long as he can use you," he says. "He's been my friendsince I signed to ride for him, that is, up till he found out I wasstealing his gal. Then he shot my chances for a bull's-eye by telling herabout a little trouble I had, five or six years ago. I and a girl went to aparty down in Louisville and I seen another guy wink at her and I asked himwhat he meant by it and he said he had St. Vitus' dance. So I pulled theiron and knocked off a couple of his toes, to cure him. I was in elevenmonths and that's what Daley told Kate about. And of course he made herpromise to not tell, but she wrote me a good-by note and spilled it. That'sthe kind of a pal he is."After I got out I worked for Bradley, and when Bradley turned me loose, hegive me a $10,000 contract.""He told us twenty," I said."Sure he did," says Mercer. "He always talks double. When he gets up aftera tough night, both his heads aches. And if he ever has a baby he'll inviteyou over to see the twins. But anyway, what he pays me ain't enough andafter to-morrow I'm through riding. What's ten or fifteen thousand a yearwhen you can't drink nothing and you starve to death for the fear you'llpick up an ounce! Listen," he says. "I got a brother down in Oklahomathat's in the oil lease game. He cleaned up $25,000 last year and he wantsme to go in with him. And with what I've saved up and what I'm going to winto-morrow, I should worry if we don't make nothing in the next two years.""How are you going to win to-morrow?" I said. "The price'll be a joke.""The price on who?" says Mercer."Only One," I said.He give a silly laugh and didn't say nothing for a minute. Then he asked ifDaley done the betting for I and the two gals. I told him he had did it atfirst, but now I was doing it."Well," he says, "you do it to-morrow, see? That little lady called me ajailbird, but I don't want her to lose her money."So I asked him what he meant and he asked me for the tenth or eleventh timeif I could keep a secret. He made me hold up my hand and swear I wouldn'tcrack what he was going to tell me."Now," he says, "what's the name of the horse I'm riding to-morrow?""Only One," I said."That ain't all of it," said Mercer. "His name to-morrow is Only One Left.See? Only One Left.""Do you mean he's going to get left at the post?" I says."You're a Ouija board!" says Mercer. "Your name is Ouija and the horse'sname is Only One Left. And listen," he says. "Everything but three horsesis going to be scratched out of this race and we'll open at about 1 to 3and back up to 1 to 5. And Daley's going to bet his right eye. But they's ahorse in the race named Sap and that's the horse my two%p090%%thousandsmackers is going down on. And you're a sap, too, if you don't string alongwith me:""Suppose you can't hold Only One?""Get the name right," said Mercer. "Only One Left. And don't worry about menot handling him. He thinks I'm Billy Sunday and everything I say hebelieves. Do you remember the other day when I beat Streak of Lightning?Well, the way I done that was whispering in One's ear, coming down thestretch. I says to him, 'One,' I says, 'this Lightning hoss has beenspilling it round that your father's grandmother was a zebra. Make a bumout of him!' That's what I whispered to him and he got sore and went pastLightning like he was standing still. And to-morrow, just before we'resupposed to go, I'll say to him, 'One, we're back at Jamaica. You're facingthe wrong way.' And when Sap and the other dog starts, we'll be headedtowards Rhode Island and in no hurry to get there.""Mercer," I said, "I don't suppose they's any use talking to you, but afterall, you're under contract to give Daley the best you've got and it don'tlook to me just like you was treating him square.""Listen!" he says. "Him and square don't rhyme. And besides, I won't beunder contract to nobody by this time to-morrow. So you save your sermonfor your own parish."I don't know if you'll think I done right or not. Or I don't care. But whatwas the sense of me tipping off a guy that had said them sweet things aboutI and Ella? And even if I don't want a sister-in-law of mine running roundwith a guy that's got a jail record, still Daley squealing on him wasrotten dope. And besides, I don't never like to break a promise, especiallyto a guy that shoots a man's toes off just for having St. Vitus' dance.Well, anyway, the third race was over and the Merrick Handicap was next,and just like Mercer had said, they all quit but our horse and Sap and aten-ton truck named Honor Bright. He was 20 to 1 and Sap was 6. Only Onewas 1 to 3 and Daley hopped on him with fifteen thousand men. Before posttime the price was 1 to 5 and 1 to 6.Daley was off his nut all afternoon and didn't object when I said I'd placethe gals' money and save him the trouble. Kate and Ella had figured outwhat they had win up to date. It was about $1,200 and Daley told them tobet it all."You'll only make $400 between you," he says, "but it's a cinch.""And four hundred's pretty good interest on $1,200," says Kate. "About tenper cent, ain't it?"I left them and went downstairs. I wrote out a card for a hundred smackerson Sap. Then my feet caught cold and I didn't turn it in. I walked downtowards the paddock and got there just as the boys was getting ready toparade. I seen Mercer and you wouldn't of never knew he'd fell off thewagon.Daley was down there, too, and I heard him say: "Well, Sid, how about you?""Never better," says Mercer. "If I don't win this one I'll quit riding."Then he seen me and smiled.I chased back to the clubhouse, making up my mind on the way. I decided tonot bet a nickel for the gals on anything. If Mercer was crossing me, I'dgive Ella and Kate their $400 like they had win it, and say nothing.Personally, I was going to turn in the card I'd wrote on Sap. That was myidear when I got to Joe Meyer. But all of a sudden I had the hunch thatMercer was going through; they wasn't a chance in the world for him toweaken. I left Meyer's stand and went to a bookie named Haynes, who I'd betwith before.Sap had went up to 8 to 1, and instead of a hundred smackers I bet athousand.He finished ahead by three len'ths, probably the most surprised horse inhistory. Honor Bright got the place, but only by a hair. Only One, afterbeing detained for some reason another, come faster at the end than anyhorse ever run before. And Mercer give him an unmerciful walloping,pretending to himself, probably, that the hoss was its master.We come back to our table. The gals sunk down in their chairs. Ella wasblubbering and Kate was as white as a ghost. Daley finally joinedus, looking like he'd had a stroke. He asked for a drink and I give him myflask."I can't understand it!" he says. "I don't know what happened!""You don't!" hollered Kate. "I'll tell you what happened. You stole ourmoney! Twelve hundred dollars! You cheat!""Oh, shut your fool mouth!" says Daley.And another Romance was knocked for a row of sour apple trees.Kate brought the mail in the dining room Monday morning. They was a letterfor her and one for me. She read hers and they was a couple of tears in hereyes."Mercer's quit riding," she says. "This is a farewell note. He's going toOklahoma."Ella picked up my envelope."Who's this from?" she says."Give it here," I said, and took it away from her. "It's just the statementfrom Haynes, the bookie.""Well, open it up," she said."What for?" said I. "You know how much you lose, don't you?""He might of made a mistake, mightn't he?" she says.So I opened up the envelope and there was the check for $8,000."Gosh!" I said. "It looks like it was me that made the mistake!" And I laidthe check down where her and Kate could see it. They screamed and I caughtElla just as she was falling off the chair."What does this mean?" says Kate."Well," I said, "I guess I was kind of rattled Saturday, and when I come tomake my bet I got balled up and wrote down Sap. And I must of went crazyand played him for a thousand men.""But where's our statement, mine and Sis'?" says Ella."That's my mistake again," I said. "I wrote out your ticket, but I must offorgot to turn it in."They jumped up and come at me, and before I could duck I was kissed fromboth sides at once."O Sis!" yelps the Mrs. "Just think! We didn't lose our twelve hundred! Wedidn't lose nothing at all. We win eight thousand dollars!""Try and get it!" I says.