Chapter V. Where, Probably, Moliere Obtained His First Idea of the Bourgeois Gentilhomme.

by Alexandre Dumas

　　D'Artagnan found Porthos in the adjoining chamber; but no longer anirritated Porthos, or a disappointed Porthos, but Porthos radiant,blooming, fascinating, and chattering with Moliere, who was looking uponhim with a species of idolatry, and as a man would who had not only neverseen anything greater, but not even ever anything so great. Aramis wentstraight up to Porthos and offered him his white hand, which lost itselfin the gigantic clasp of his old friend, - an operation which Aramisnever hazarded without a certain uneasiness. But the friendly pressurehaving been performed not too painfully for him, the bishop of Vannespassed over to Moliere."Well, monsieur," said he, "will you come with me to Saint-Mande?""I will go anywhere you like, monseigneur," answered Moliere."To Saint-Mande!" cried Porthos, surprised at seeing the proud bishop ofVannes fraternizing with a journeyman tailor. "What, Aramis, are yougoing to take this gentleman to Saint-Mande?""Yes," said Aramis, smiling, "our work is pressing.""And besides, my dear Porthos," continued D'Artagnan, "M. Moliere is notaltogether what he seems.""In what way?" asked Porthos."Why, this gentleman is one of M. Percerin's chief clerks, and isexpected at Saint-Mande to try on the dresses which M. Fouquet hasordered for the Epicureans.""'Tis precisely so," said Moliere."Yes, monsieur.""Come, then, my dear M. Moliere," said Aramis, "that is, if you havedone with M. du Vallon.""We have finished," replied Porthos."And you are satisfied?" asked D'Artagnan."Completely so," replied Porthos.Moliere took his leave of Porthos with much ceremony, and grasped thehand which the captain of the musketeers furtively offered him."Pray, monsieur," concluded Porthos, mincingly, "above all, be exact.""You will have your dress the day after to-morrow, monsieur le baron,"answered Moliere. And he left with Aramis.Then D'Artagnan, taking Porthos's arm, "What has this tailor done foryou, my dear Porthos," he asked, "that you are so pleased with him?""What has he done for me, my friend! done for me!" cried Porthos,enthusiastically."Yes, I ask you, what has he done for you?""My friend, he has done that which no tailor ever yet accomplished: hehas taken my measure without touching me!""Ah, bah! tell me how he did it.""First, then, they went, I don't know where, for a number of lay figures,of all heights and sizes, hoping there would be one to suit mine, but thelargest - that of the drum-major of the Swiss guard - was two inches tooshort, and a half foot too narrow in the chest.""Indeed!""It is exactly as I tell you, D'Artagnan; but he is a great man, or atthe very least a great tailor, is this M. Moliere. He was not at all putat fault by the circumstance.""What did he do, then?""Oh! it is a very simple matter. I'faith, 'tis an unheard-of thing thatpeople should have been so stupid as not to have discovered this methodfrom the first. What annoyance and humiliation they would have sparedme!""Not to mention of the costumes, my dear Porthos.""Yes, thirty dresses.""Well, my dear Porthos, come, tell me M. Moliere's plan.""Moliere? You call him so, do you? I shall make a point of recollectinghis name.""Yes; or Poquelin, if you prefer that.""No; I like Moliere best. When I wish to recollect his name, I shallthink of voliere [an aviary]; and as I have one at Pierrefonds - ""Capital!" returned D'Artagnan. "And M. Moliere's plan?""'Tis this: instead of pulling me to pieces, as all these rascals do - ofmaking me bend my back, and double my joints - all of them low anddishonorable practices - " D'Artagnan made a sign of approbation withhis head. "'Monsieur,' he said to me," continued Porthos, "'a gentlemanought to measure himself. Do me the pleasure to draw near this glass;'and I drew near the glass. I must own I did not exactly understand whatthis good M. Voliere wanted with me.""Moliere!""Ah! yes, Moliere - Moliere. And as the fear of being measured stillpossessed me, 'Take care,' said I to him, 'what you are going to do withme; I am very ticklish, I warn you.' But he, with his soft voice (for heis a courteous fellow, we must admit, my friend), he with his soft voice,'Monsieur,' said he, 'that your dress may fit you well, it must be madeaccording to your figure. Your figure is exactly reflected in thismirror. We shall take the measure of this reflection.'""In fact," said D'Artagnan, "you saw yourself in the glass; but where didthey find one in which you could see your whole figure?""My good friend, it is the very glass in which the king is used to lookto see himself.""Yes; but the king is a foot and a half shorter than you are.""Ah! well, I know not how that may be; it is, no doubt, a cunning way offlattering the king; but the looking-glass was too large for me. 'Tistrue that its height was made up of three Venetian plates of glass,placed one above another, and its breadth of three similar parallelogramsin juxtaposition.""Oh, Porthos! what excellent words you have command of. Where in theword did you acquire such a voluminous vocabulary?""At Belle-Isle. Aramis and I had to use such words in our strategicstudies and castramentative experiments."D'Artagnan recoiled, as though the sesquipedalian syllables had knockedthe breath out of his body."Ah! very good. Let us return to the looking-glass, my friend.""Then, this good M. Voliere - ""Moliere.""Yes - Moliere - you are right. You will see now, my dear friend, that Ishall recollect his name quite well. This excellent M. Moliere set towork tracing out lines on the mirror, with a piece of Spanish chalk,following in all the make of my arms and my shoulders, all the whileexpounding this maxim, which I thought admirable: 'It is advisable that adress should not incommode its wearer.'""In reality," said D'Artagnan, "that is an excellent maxim, which is,unfortunately, seldom carried out in practice.""That is why I found it all the more astonishing, when he expatiated uponit.""Ah! he expatiated?""Parbleu!""Let me hear his theory.""'Seeing that,' he continued, 'one may, in awkward circumstances, or in atroublesome position, have one's doublet on one's shoulder, and notdesire to take one's doublet off - '""True," said D'Artagnan."'And so,' continued M. Voliere - ""Moliere.""Moliere, yes. 'And so,' went on M. Moliere, 'you want to draw yoursword, monsieur, and you have your doublet on your back. What do you do?'"'I take it off,' I answered."'Well, no,' he replied."'How no?'"'I say that the dress should be so well made, that it will in no wayencumber you, even in drawing your sword.'"'Ah, ah!'"'Throw yourself on guard,' pursued he."I did it with such wondrous firmness, that two panes of glass burst outof the window."''Tis nothing, nothing,' said he. 'Keep your position.'"I raised my left arm in the air, the forearm gracefully bent, the ruffledrooping, and my wrist curved, while my right arm, half extended,securely covered my wrist with the elbow, and my breast with the wrist.""Yes," said D'Artagnan, "'tis the true guard - the academic guard.""You have said the very word, dear friend. In the meanwhile, Voliere - ""Moliere.""Hold! I should certainly, after all, prefer to call him - what did yousay his other name was?""Poquelin.""I prefer to call him Poquelin.""And how will you remember this name better than the other?""You understand, he calls himself Poquelin, does he not?""Yes.""If I were to call to mind Madame Coquenard.""Good.""And change Coc into Poc, nard into lin; and instead of CoquenardI shall have Poquelin.""'Tis wonderful," cried D'Artagnan, astounded. "Go on, my friend, I amlistening to you with admiration.""This Coquelin sketched my arm on the glass.""I beg your pardon - Poquelin.""What did I say, then?""You said Coquelin.""Ah! true. This Poquelin, then, sketched my arm on the glass; but hetook his time over it; he kept looking at me a good deal. The fact is,that I must have been looking particularly handsome.""'Does it weary you?' he asked."'A little,' I replied, bending a little in my hands, 'but I could holdout for an hour or so longer.'"'No, no, I will not allow it; the willing fellows will make it a duty tosupport your arms, as of old, men supported those of the prophet.'"'Very good,' I answered."'That will not be humiliating to you?'"'My friend,' said I, 'there is, I think, a great difference betweenbeing supported and being measured.'""The distinction is full of the soundest sense," interrupted D'Artagnan."Then," continued Porthos, "he made a sign: two lads approached; onesupported my left arm, while the other, with infinite address, supportedmy right.""'Another, my man,' cried he. A third approached. 'Support monsieur bythe waist,' said he. The garcon complied.""So that you were at rest?" asked D'Artagnan."Perfectly; and Pocquenard drew me on the glass.""Poquelin, my friend.""Poquelin - you are right. Stay, decidedly I prefer calling him Voliere.""Yes; and then it was over, wasn't it?""During that time Voliere drew me as I appeared in the mirror.""'Twas delicate in him.""I much like the plan; it is respectful, and keeps every one in hisplace.""And there it ended?""Without a soul having touched me, my friend.""Except the three garcons who supported you.""Doubtless; but I have, I think, already explained to you the differencethere is between supporting and measuring.""'Tis true," answered D'Artagnan; who said afterwards to himself,"I'faith, I greatly deceive myself, or I have been the means of a goodwindfall to that rascal Moliere, and we shall assuredly see the scene hitoff to the life in some comedy or other." Porthos smiled."What are you laughing at?" asked D'Artagnan."Must I confess? Well, I was laughing over my good fortune.""Oh, that is true; I don't know a happier man than you. But what is thislast piece of luck that has befallen you?'"Well, my dear fellow, congratulate me.""I desire nothing better.""It seems that I am the first who has had his measure taken in thatmanner.""Are you so sure of it?'"Nearly so. Certain signs of intelligence which passed between Voliereand the other garcons showed me the fact.""Well, my friend, that does not surprise me from Moliere," saidD'Artagnan."Voliere, my friend.""Oh, no, no, indeed! I am very willing to leave you to go on sayingVoliere; but, as for me, I shall continued to say Moliere. Well, this, Iwas saying, does not surprise me, coming from Moliere, who is a veryingenious fellow, and inspired you with this grand idea.""It will be of great use to him by and by, I am sure.""Won't it be of use to him, indeed? I believe you, it will, and that inthe highest degree; - for you see my friend Moliere is of all knowntailors the man who best clothes our barons, comtes, and marquises -according to their measure."On this observation, neither the application nor depth of which we shalldiscuss, D'Artagnan and Porthos quitted M. de Percerin's house andrejoined their carriages, wherein we will leave them, in order to lookafter Moliere and Aramis at Saint-Mande.