The Slanderer

by Anton Chekhov

　　

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Sergey Kapitonlch Akhineyev, the teacher of calligraphy, gave hisdaughter Natalya in marriage to the teacher of history and geography,Ivan Petrovich Loshadinikh. The wedding feast went on swimmingly. Theysang, played, and danced in the parlor. Waiters, hired for the occasionfrom the club, bustled about hither and thither like madmen, in blackfrock coats and soiled white neckties. A loud noise of voices smote theair. From the outside people looked in at the windows;--their socialstanding gave them no right to enter.Just at midnight the host, Akhineyev, made his way to the kitchen to seewhether everything was ready for the supper. The kitchen was filled withsmoke from the floor to the ceiling; the smoke reeked with the odorsof geese, ducks, and many other things. Victuals and beverages werescattered about on two tables in artistic disorder. Marfa, the cook, astout, red-faced woman, was busying herself near the loaded tables."Show me the sturgeon, dear," said Akhineyev, rubbing his hands andlicking his lips. "What a fine odor! I could just devour the wholekitchen! Well, let me see the sturgeon!"Marfa walked up to one of the benches and carefully lifted a greasynewspaper. Beneath that paper, in a huge dish, lay a big fat sturgeon,amid capers, olives, and carrots. Akhineyev glanced at the sturgeon andheaved a sigh of relief. His face became radiant, his eyes rolled. Hebent down, and, smacking his lips, gave vent to a sound like a creakingwheel. He stood a while, then snapped his fingers for pleasure, andsmacked his lips once more."Bah! The sound of a hearty kiss. Whom have you been kissing there,Marfusha?" some one's voice was heard from the adjoining room, and soonthe closely cropped head of Vankin, the assistant school instructor,appeared in the doorway. "Whom have you been kissing here? A-a-ah! Verygood! Sergey Kapitonich! A fine old man indeed! With the female sextte--tte!""I wasn't kissing at all," said Akhineyev, confused; "who told you,you fool? I only--smacked my lips on account of--in consideration of mypleasure--at the sight of the fish.""Tell that to some one else, not to me!" exclaimed Vankin, whose faceexpanded into a broad smile as he disappeared behind the door. Akhineyevblushed."The devil knows what may be the outcome of this!" he thought. "He'll goabout tale-bearing now, the rascal. He'll disgrace me before the wholetown, the brute!"Akhineyev entered the parlor timidly and cast furtive glances to seewhat Vankin was doing. Vankin stood near the piano and, deftly bendingdown, whispered something to the inspector's sister-in-law, who waslaughing."That's about me!" thought Akhineyev. "About me, the devil take him!She believes him, she's laughing. My God! No, that mustn't be left likethat. No. I'll have to fix it so that no one shall believe him. I'llspeak to all of them, and he'll remain a foolish gossip in the end."Akhineyev scratched his head, and, still confused, walked up to Padekoi."I was in the kitchen a little while ago, arranging things there for thesupper," he said to the Frenchman. "You like fish, I know, and I havea sturgeon just so big. About two yards. Ha, ha, ha! Yes, by the way, Ihave almost forgotten. There was a real anecdote about that sturgeonin the kitchen. I entered the kitchen a little while ago and wanted toexamine the food. I glanced at the sturgeon and for pleasure, I smackedmy lips--it was so piquant! And just at that moment the fool Vankinentered and says--ha, ha, ha--and says: 'A-a! A-a-ah! You have beenkissing here?'--with Marfa; just think of it--with the cook! What apiece of invention, that blockhead. The woman is ugly, she looks like amonkey, and he says we were kissing. What a queer fellow!""Who's a queer fellow?" asked Tarantulov, as he approached them."I refer to Vankin. I went out into the kitchen--"The story of Marfa and the sturgeon was repeated."That makes me laugh. What a queer fellow he is. In my opinion it ismore pleasant to kiss the dog than to kiss Marfa," added Akhineyev, and,turning around, he noticed Mzda."We have been speaking about Vankin," he said to him. "What a queerfellow. He entered the kitchen and noticed me standing beside Marfa, andimmediately he began to invent different stories. 'What?' he says,'you have been kissing each other!' He was drunk, so he must have beendreaming. And I,' I said, 'I would rather kiss a duck than kiss Marfa.And I have a wife,' said I, 'you fool.' He made me appear ridiculous.""Who made you appear ridiculous?" inquired the teacher of religion,addressing Akhineyev."Vankin. I was standing in the kitchen, you know, and looking at thesturgeon--" And so forth. In about half an hour all the guests knew thestory about Vankin and the sturgeon."Now let him tell," thought Akhineyev, rubbing his hands. "Let him doit. He'll start to tell them, and they'll cut him short: 'Don't talknonsense, you fool! We know all about it.'"And Akhineyev felt so much appeased that, for joy, he drank four glassesof brandy over and above his fill. Having escorted his daughter to herroom, he went to his own and soon slept the sleep of an innocent child,and on the following day he no longer remembered the story of thesturgeon. But, alas! Man proposes and God disposes. The evil tongue doesits wicked work, and even Akhineyev's cunning did not do him any good.One week later, on a Wednesday, after the third lesson, when Akhineyevstood in the teachers' room and discussed the vicious inclinations ofthe pupil Visyekin, the director approached him, and, beckoning to him,called him aside."See here, Sergey Kapitonich," said the director. "Pardon me. It isn'tmy affair, yet I must make it clear to you, nevertheless. It is myduty--You see, rumors are on foot that you are on intimate terms withthat woman--with your cook--It isn't my affair, but--You may be onintimate terms with her, you may kiss her--You may do whatever you like,but, please, don't do it so openly! I beg of you. Don't forget that youare a pedagogue."Akhineyev stood as though frozen and petrified. Like one stung by aswarm of bees and scalded with boiling water, he went home. On hisway it seemed to him as though the whole town stared at him as at onebesmeared with tar--At home new troubles awaited him."Why don't you eat anything?" asked his wife at their dinner. "What areyou thinking about? Are you thinking about Cupid, eh? You are longingfor Marfushka. I know everything already, you Mahomet. Kind people haveopened my eyes, you barbarian!"And she slapped him on the cheek.He rose from the table, and staggering, without cap or coat, directedhis footsteps toward Vankin. The latter was at home."You rascal!" he said to Vankin. "Why have you covered me with mudbefore the whole world? Why have you slandered me?""How; what slander? What are you inventing?""And who told everybody that I was kissing Marfa? Not you, perhaps? Notyou, you murderer?"Vankin began to blink his eyes, and all the fibres of his face began toquiver. He lifted his eyes toward the image and ejaculated:"May God punish me, may I lose my eyesight and die, if I said even asingle word about you to any one! May I have neither house nor home!"Vankin's sincerity admitted of no doubt. It was evident that it was nothe who had gossiped."But who was it? Who?" Akhineyev asked himself, going over in his mindall his acquaintances, and striking his chest. "Who was it?"

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