Chapter LVIII: Our Friend the Major

by William Makepeace Thackeray

　　Our Major had rendered himself so popular on boardthe Ramchunder that when he and Mr. Sedley descendedinto the welcome shore-boat which was to take themfrom the ship, the whole crew, men and officers, thegreat Captain Bragg himself leading off, gave three cheersfor Major Dobbin, who blushed very much and duckedhis head in token of thanks. Jos, who very likely thoughtthe cheers were for himself, took off his gold-laced capand waved it majestically to his friends, and they werepulled to shore and landed with great dignity at the pier,whence they proceeded to the Royal George Hotel.

　　Although the sight of that magnificent round of beef,and the silver tankard suggestive of real British home-brewed ale and porter, which perennially greet the eyesof the traveller returning from foreign parts who entersthe coffee-room of the George, are so invigorating anddelightful that a man entering such a comfortable snughomely English inn might well like to stop some daysthere, yet Dobbin began to talk about a post-chaiseinstantly, and was no sooner at Southampton than hewished to be on the road to London. Jos, however, wouldnot hear of moving that evening. Why was he to pass anight in a post-chaise instead of a great large undulatingdowny feather-bed which was there ready to replacethe horrid little narrow crib in which the portly Bengalgentleman had been confined during the voyage? Hecould not think of moving till his baggage was cleared,or of travelling until he could do so with his chillum. Sothe Major was forced to wait over that night, anddispatched a letter to his family announcing his arrival,entreating from Jos a promise to write to his ownfriends. Jos promised, but didn't keep his promise. TheCaptain, the surgeon, and one or two passengers cameand dined with our two gentlemen at the inn, Jos exertinghimself in a sumptuous way in ordering the dinnerand promising to go to town the next day with the Major.The landlord said it did his eyes good to see Mr. Sedleytake off his first pint of porter. If I had time and daredto enter into digressions, I would write a chapter aboutthat first pint of porter drunk upon English ground. Ah,how good it is! It is worth-while to leave home for ayear, just to enjoy that one draught.

　　Major Dobbin made his appearance the next morningvery neatly shaved and dressed, according to his wont.Indeed, it was so early in the morning that nobody wasup in the house except that wonderful Boots of an innwho never seems to want sleep; and the Major couldhear the snores of the various inmates of the house roaringthrough the corridors as he creaked about in thosedim passages. Then the sleepless Boots went shirkinground from door to door, gathering up at each theBluchers, Wellingtons, Oxonians, which stood outside. ThenJos's native servant arose and began to get ready hismaster's ponderous dressing apparatus and prepare hishookah; then the maidservants got up, and meeting thedark man in the passages, shrieked, and mistook him forthe devil. He and Dobbin stumbled over their pails inthe passages as they were scouring the decks of theRoyal George. When the first unshorn waiter appearedand unbarred the door of the inn, the Major thought thatthe time for departure was arrived, and ordered a post-chaise to be fetched instantly, that they might set off.

　　He then directed his steps to Mr. Sedley's room andopened the curtains of the great large family bed whereinMr. Jos was snoring. "Come, up! Sedley," the Majorsaid, "it's time to be off; the chaise will be at the door inhalf an hour."

　　Jos growled from under the counterpane to knowwhat the time was; but when he at last extorted from theblushing Major (who never told fibs, however they mightbe to his advantage) what was the real hour of themorning, he broke out into a volley of bad language, whichwe will not repeat here, but by which he gave Dobbin tounderstand that he would jeopardy his soul if he got upat that moment, that the Major might go and be hanged,that he would not travel with Dobbin, and that it wasmost unkind and ungentlemanlike to disturb a man outof his sleep in that way; on which the discomfited Majorwas obliged to retreat, leaving Jos to resume hisinterrupted slumbers.

　　The chaise came up presently, and the Major wouldwait no longer.

　　If he had been an English nobleman travelling on apleasure tour, or a newspaper courier bearing dispatches(government messages are generally carried much morequietly), he could not have travelled more quickly. Thepost-boys wondered at the fees he flung amongst them.How happy and green the country looked as the chaisewhirled rapidly from mile-stone to mile-stone, throughneat country towns where landlords came out towelcome him with smiles and bows; by pretty roadside inns,where the signs hung on the elms, and horses andwaggoners were drinking under the chequered shadow of thetrees; by old halls and parks; rustic hamlets clusteredround ancient grey churches--and through the charmingfriendly English landscape. Is there any in the worldlike it? To a traveller returning home it looks so kind--it seems to shake hands with you as you pass through it.Well, Major Dobbin passed through all this fromSouthampton to London, and without noting much beyond themilestones along the road. You see he was so eager tosee his parents at Camberwell.

　　He grudged the time lost between Piccadilly and hisold haunt at the Slaughters', whither he drove faithfully.Long years had passed since he saw it last, since he andGeorge, as young men, had enjoyed many a feast, andheld many a revel there. He had now passed into thestage of old-fellow-hood. His hair was grizzled, and manya passion and feeling of his youth had grown grey in thatinterval. There, however, stood the old waiter at thedoor, in the same greasy black suit, with the samedouble chin and flaccid face, with the same huge bunch ofseals at his fob, rattling his money in his pockets asbefore, and receiving the Major as if he had gone awayonly a week ago. "Put the Major's things in twenty-three,that's his room," John said, exhibiting not the leastsurprise. "Roast fowl for your dinner, I suppose. You ain'tgot married? They said you was married--the Scotchsurgeon of yours was here. No, it was Captain Humby ofthe thirty-third, as was quartered with the --th in Injee.Like any warm water? ~What do you come in a chay for--ain't the coach good enough?" And with this, the faithfulwaiter, who knew and remembered every officer whoused the house, and with whom ten years were but asyesterday, led the way up to Dobbin's old room, wherestood the great moreen bed, and the shabby carpet, athought more dingy, and all the old black furniturecovered with faded chintz, just as the Major recollectedthem in his youth.

　　He remembered George pacing up and down the room,and biting his nails, and swearing that the Governor mustcome round, and that if he didn't, he didn't care a straw,on the day before he was married. He could fancy himwalking in, banging the door of Dobbin's room, and hisown hard by--

　　"You ain't got young," John said, calmly surveying hisfriend of former days.

　　Dobbin laughed. "Ten years and a fever don't make aman young, John," he said. "It is you that are alwaysyoung--no, you are always old."

　　"What became of Captain Osborne's widow?" Johnsaid. "Fine young fellow that. Lord, how he used tospend his money. He never came back after that day hewas marched from here. He owes me three pound at thisminute. Look here, I have it in my book. 'April 10,1815, Captain Osborne: '3pounds.' I wonder whether hisfather would pay me," and so saying, John of the Slaughters'pulled out the very morocco pocket-book in whichhe had noted his loan to the Captain, upon a greasyfaded page still extant, with many other scrawledmemoranda regarding the bygone frequenters of the house.

　　Having inducted his customer into the room, Johnretired with perfect calmness; and Major Dobbin, notwithout a blush and a grin at his own absurdity, chose out ofhis kit the very smartest and most becoming civilcostume he possessed, and laughed at his own tanned faceand grey hair, as he surveyed them in the dreary littletoilet-glass on the dressing-table.

　　"I'm glad old John didn't forget me," he thought."She'll know me, too, I hope." And he sallied out of theinn, bending his steps once more in the direction ofBrompton.

　　Every minute incident of his last meeting with Ameliawas present to the constant man's mind as he walkedtowards her house. The arch and the Achilles statue wereup since he had last been in Piccadilly; a hundredchanges had occurred which his eye and mind vaguelynoted. He began to tremble as he walked up the lanefrom Brompton, that well-remembered lane leading tothe street where she lived. Was she going to be marriedor not? If he were to meet her with the little boy--GoodGod, what should he do? He saw a woman coming to himwith a child of five years old--was that she? He beganto shake at the mere possibility. When he came up tothe row of houses, at last, where she lived, and to thegate, he caught hold of it and paused. He might haveheard the thumping of his own heart. "May God Almightybless her, whatever has happened," he thought tohimself. "Psha! she may be gone from here," he saidand went in through the gate.

　　The window of the parlour which she used to occupywas open, and there were no inmates in the room. TheMajor thought he recognized the piano, though, with thepicture over it, as it used to be in former days, and hisperturbations were renewed. Mr. Clapp's brass plate wasstill on the door, at the knocker of which Dobbinperformed a summons.

　　A buxom-looking lass of sixteen, with bright eyes andpurple cheeks, came to answer the knock and lookedhard at the Major as he leant back against the littleporch.

　　He was as pale as a ghost and could hardly falter outthe words--"Does Mrs. Osborne live here?"

　　She looked him hard in the face for a moment--andthen turning white too--said, "Lord bless me--it'sMajor Dobbin." She held out both her hands shaking--"Don't you remember me?" she said. "I used to call youMajor Sugarplums." On which, and I believe it was forthe first time that he ever so conducted himself in hislife, the Major took the girl in his arms and kissed her.She began to laugh and cry hysterically, and calling out"Ma, Pa!" with all her voice, brought up those worthypeople, who had already been surveying the Major fromthe casement of the ornamental kitchen, and wereastonished to find their daughter in the little passage inthe embrace of a great tall man in a blue frock-coat andwhite duck trousers.

　　"I'm an old friend," he said--not without blushingthough. "Don't you remember me, Mrs. Clapp, and thosegood cakes you used to make for tea? Don't you recollectme, Clapp? I'm George's godfather, and just comeback from India." A great shaking of hands ensued--Mrs. Clapp was greatly affected and delighted; she calledupon heaven to interpose a vast many times in thatpassage.

　　The landlord and landlady of the house led the worthyMajor into the Sedleys' room (whereof he rememberedevery single article of furniture, from the old brassornamented piano, once a natty little instrument, Stothardmaker, to the screens and the alabaster miniature tombstone,in the midst of which ticked Mr. Sedley's goldwatch), and there, as he sat down in the lodger's vacantarm-chair, the father, the mother, and the daughter,with a thousand ejaculatory breaks in the narrative,informed Major Dobbin of what we know already, but ofparticulars in Amelia's history of which he was not aware--namely of Mrs. Sedley's death, of George's reconcilementwith his grandfather Osborne, of the way in whichthe widow took on at leaving him, and of other particularsof her life. Twice or thrice he was going to askabout the marriage question, but his heart failed him.He did not care to lay it bare to these people. Finally,he was informed that Mrs. O. was gone to walk with herpa in Kensington Gardens, whither she always went withthe old gentleman (who was very weak and peevish now,and led her a sad life, though she behaved to him like anangel, to be sure), of a fine afternoon, after dinner.

　　"I'm very much pressed for time," the Major said,"and have business to-night of importance. I should liketo see Mrs. Osborne tho'. Suppose Miss Polly wouldcome with me and show me the way?"

　　Miss Polly was charmed and astonished at thisproposal. She knew the way. She would show MajorDobbin. She had often been with Mr. Sedley when Mrs. O.was gone--was gone Russell Square way--and knew thebench where he liked to sit. She bounced away to herapartment and appeared presently in her best bonnetand her mamma's yellow shawl and large pebble brooch,of which she assumed the loan in order to make herselfa worthy companion for the Major.

　　That officer, then, in his blue frock-coat and buckskingloves, gave the young lady his arm, and they walkedaway very gaily. He was glad to have a friend at handfor the scene which he dreaded somehow. He asked athousand more questions from his companion aboutAmelia: his kind heart grieved to think that she shouldhave had to part with her son. How did she bear it? Didshe see him often? Was Mr. Sedley pretty comfortablenow in a worldly point of view? Polly answered all thesequestions of Major Sugarplums to the very best of herpower.

　　And in the midst of their walk an incident occurredwhich, though very simple in its nature, was productiveof the greatest delight to Major Dobbin. A pale youngman with feeble whiskers and a stiff white neckcloth camewalking down the lane, en sandwich--having a lady, thatis, on each arm. One was a tall and commanding middle-aged female, with features and a complexion similar tothose of the clergyman of the Church of England bywhose side she marched, and the other a stunted littlewoman with a dark face, ornamented by a fine new bonnetand white ribbons, and in a smart pelisse, with a richgold watch in the midst of her person. The gentleman,pinioned as he was by these two ladies, carried further aparasol, shawl, and basket, so that his arms were entirelyengaged, and of course he was unable to touch his hat inacknowledgement of the curtsey with which Miss MaryClapp greeted him.

　　He merely bowed his head in reply to her salutation,which the two ladies returned with a patronizing air, andat the same time looking severely at the individual in theblue coat and bamboo cane who accompanied Miss Polly.

　　"Who's that?" asked the Major, amused by the group,and after he had made way for the three to pass up thelane. Mary looked at him rather roguishly.

　　"That is our curate, the Reverend Mr. Binny (a twitchfrom Major Dobbin), and his sister Miss B. Lord bless us,how she did use to worret us at Sunday-school; and theother lady, the little one with a cast in her eye and thehandsome watch, is Mrs. Binny--Miss Grits that was;her pa was a grocer, and kept the Little Original GoldTea Pot in Kensington Gravel Pits. They were married lastmonth, and are just come back from Margate. She's fivethousand pound to her fortune; but her and Miss B., whomade the match, have quarrelled already."

　　If the Major had twitched before, he started now, andslapped the bamboo on the ground with an emphasiswhich made Miss Clapp cry, "Law," and laugh too. Hestood for a moment, silent, with open mouth, lookingafter the retreating young couple, while Miss Mary toldtheir history; but he did not hear beyond the announcementof the reverend gentleman's marriage; his head wasswimming with felicity. After this rencontre he began towalk double quick towards the place of his destination--and yet they were too soon (for he was in a greattremor at the idea of a meeting for which he had beenlonging any time these ten years)--through the Bromptonlanes, and entering at the little old portal in KensingtonGarden wall.

　　"There they are," said Miss Polly, and she felt himagain start back on her arm. She was a confidante at onceof the whole business. She knew the story as well as ifshe had read it in one of her favourite novel-books--Fatherless Fanny, or the Scottish Chiefs.

　　"Suppose you were to run on and tell her," the Majorsaid. Polly ran forward, her yellow shawl streaming in thebreeze.

　　Old Sedley was seated on a bench, his handkerchiefplaced over his knees, prattling away, according to hiswont, with some old story about old times to whichAmelia had listened and awarded a patient smile manya time before. She could of late think of her own affairs,and smile or make other marks of recognition of herfather's stories, scarcely hearing a word of the old man'stales. As Mary came bouncing along, and Amelia caughtsight of her, she started up from her bench. Her firstthought was that something had happened to Georgy,but the sight of the messenger's eager and happy facedissipated that fear in the timorous mother's bosom.

　　"News! News!" cried the emissary of Major Dobbin."He's come! He's come!"

　　"Who is come?" said Emmy, still thinking of her son.

　　"Look there," answered Miss Clapp, turning round andpointing; in which direction Amelia looking, sawDobbin's lean figure and long shadow stalking across thegrass. Amelia started in her turn, blushed up, and, ofcourse, began to cry. At all this simple little creature'sfetes, the grandes eaux were accustomed to play.He looked at her--oh, how fondly--as she camerunning towards him, her hands before her, ready to givethem to him. She wasn't changed. She was a little pale,a little stouter in figure. Her eyes were the same, thekind trustful eyes. There were scarce three lines of silverin her soft brown hair. She gave him both her hands asshe looked up flushing and smiling through her tears intohis honest homely face. He took the two little handsbetween his two and held them there. He was speechlessfor a moment. Why did he not take her in his arms andswear that he would never leave her? She must haveyielded: she could not but have obeyed him.

　　"I--I've another arrival to announce," he said after apause.

　　"Mrs. Dobbin?" Amelia said, making a movementback--why didn't he speak?

　　"No," he said, letting her hands go: "Who has toldyou those lies? I mean, your brother Jos came in thesame ship with me, and is come home to make you allhappy."

　　"Papa, Papa!" Emmy cried out, "here are news! Mybrother is in England. He is come to take care of you.Here is Major Dobbin."

　　Mr. Sedley started up, shaking a great deal and gatheringup his thoughts. Then he stepped forward and made anold-fashioned bow to the Major, whom he called Mr.Dobbin, and hoped his worthy father, Sir William, wasquite well. He proposed to call upon Sir William, who haddone him the honour of a visit a short time ago. SirWilliam had not called upon the old gentleman for eightyears--it was that visit he was thinking of returning.

　　"He is very much shaken," Emmy whispered as Dobbinwent up and cordially shook hands with the old man.

　　Although he had such particular business in Londonthat evening, the Major consented to forego it upon Mr.Sedley's invitation to him to come home and partake oftea. Amelia put her arm under that of her young friendwith the yellow shawl and headed the party on theirreturn homewards, so that Mr. Sedley fell to Dobbin's share.The old man walked very slowly and told a number ofancient histories about himself and his poor Bessy, hisformer prosperity, and his bankruptcy. His thoughts, as isusual with failing old men, were quite in former times.The present, with the exception of the one catastrophewhich he felt, he knew little about. The Major was glad tolet him talk on. His eyes were fixed upon the figure infront of him--the dear little figure always present to hisimagination and in his prayers, and visiting his dreamswakeful or slumbering.

　　Amelia was very happy, smiling, and active all thatevening, performing her duties as hostess of the littleentertainment with the utmost grace and propriety, asDobbin thought. His eyes followed her about as they satin the twilight. How many a time had he longed for thatmoment and thought of her far away under hot windsand in weary marches, gentle and happy, kindly ministeringto the wants of old age, and decorating poverty withsweet submission--as he saw her now. I do not say thathis taste was the highest, or that it is the duty of greatintellects to be content with a bread-and-butter paradise,such as sufficed our simple old friend; but his desireswere of this sort, whether for good or bad, and, withAmelia to help him, he was as ready to drink as manycups of tea as Doctor Johnson.

　　Amelia seeing this propensity, laughingly encouragedit and looked exceedingly roguish as she administered tohim cup after cup. It is true she did not know that theMajor had had no dinner and that the cloth was laid forhim at the Slaughters', and a plate laid thereon to markthat the table was retained, in that very box in whichthe Major and George had sat many a time carousing,when she was a child just come home from MissPinkerton's school.

　　The first thing Mrs. Osborne showed the Major wasGeorgy's miniature, for which she ran upstairs on herarrival at home. It was not half handsome enough ofcourse for the boy, but wasn't it noble of him to think ofbringing it to his mother? Whilst her papa was awake shedid not talk much about Georgy. To hear about Mr.Osborne and Russell Square was not agreeable to theold man, who very likely was unconscious that he hadbeen living for some months past mainly on the bountyof his richer rival, and lost his temper if allusion wasmade to the other.

　　Dobbin told him all, and a little more perhaps thanall, that had happened on board the Ramchunder, andexaggerated Jos's benevolent dispositions towards hisfather and resolution to make him comfortable in hisold days. The truth is that during the voyage the Majorhad impressed this duty most strongly upon his fellow-passenger and extorted promises from him that he wouldtake charge of his sister and her child. He soothed Jos'sirritation with regard to the bills which the old gentlemanhad drawn upon him, gave a laughing account of hisown sufferings on the same score and of the famousconsignment of wine with which the old man had favouredhim, and brought Mr. Jos, who was by no means an ill-natured person when well-pleased and moderatelyflattered, to a very good state of feeling regarding hisrelatives in Europe.

　　And in fine I am ashamed to say that the Majorstretched the truth so far as to tell old Mr. Sedley that itwas mainly a desire to see his parent which brought Josonce more to Europe.

　　At his accustomed hour Mr. Sedley began to doze inhis chair, and then it was Amelia's opportunity tocommence her conversation, which she did with greateagerness--it related exclusively to Georgy. She did not talkat all about her own sufferings at breaking from him, forindeed, this worthy woman, though she was half-killedby the separation from the child, yet thought it was verywicked in her to repine at losing him; but everythingconcerning him, his virtues, talents, and prospects, shepoured out. She described his angelic beauty; narrateda hundred instances of his generosity and greatness ofmind whilst living with her; how a Royal Duchess hadstopped and admired him in Kensington Gardens; howsplendidly he was cared for now, and how he had agroom and a pony; what quickness and cleverness hehad, and what a prodigiously well-read and delightfulperson the Reverend Lawrence Veal was, George'smaster. "He knows everything," Amelia said. "He has themost delightful parties. You who are so learned yourself,and have read so much, and are so clever andaccomplished--don't shake your head and say no--healways used to say you were--you will be charmed withMr. Veal's parties. The last Tuesday in every month. Hesays there is no place in the bar or the senate thatGeorgy may not aspire to. Look here," and she went tothe piano-drawer and drew out a theme of Georgy'scomposition. This great effort of genius, which is stillin the possession of George's mother, is as follows:

　　On Selfishness--Of all the vices which degrade thehuman character, Selfishness is the most odious andcontemptible. An undue love of Self leads to the mostmonstrous crimes and occasions the greatest misfortunes bothin States and Families. As a selfish man will impoverishhis family and often bring them to ruin, so a selfishking brings ruin on his people and often plunges theminto war.

　　Example: The selfishness of Achilles, as remarked bythe poet Homer, occasioned a thousand woes to theGreeks--muri Achaiois alge etheke--(Hom. Il. A. 2).The selfishness of the late Napoleon Bonaparteoccasioned innumerable wars in Europe and caused him toperish, himself, in a miserable island--that of Saint Helena inthe Atlantic Ocean.

　　We see by these examples that we are not to consultour own interest and ambition, but that we are toconsider the interests of others as well as our own.

　　George S. OsborneAthene House, 24 April, 1827

　　"Think of him writing such a hand, and quoting Greektoo, at his age," the delighted mother said. "Oh, William,"she added, holding out her hand to the Major, "what atreasure Heaven has given me in that boy! He is thecomfort of my life--and he is the image of--of him that'sgone!"

　　"Ought I to be angry with her for being faithful tohim?" William thought. "Ought I to be jealous of myfriend in the grave, or hurt that such a heart as Amelia'scan love only once and for ever? Oh, George, George,how little you knew the prize you had, though." Thissentiment passed rapidly through William's mind as hewas holding Amelia's hand, whilst the handkerchief wasveiling her eyes.

　　"Dear friend," she said, pressing the hand which heldhers, "how good, how kind you always have been to me!See! Papa is stirring. You will go and see Georgytomorrow, won't you?"

　　"Not to-morrow," said poor old Dobbin. "I havebusiness." He did not like to own that he had not as yetbeen to his parents' and his dear sister Anne--aremissness for which I am sure every well-regulatedperson will blame the Major. And presently he took hisleave, leaving his address behind him for Jos, against thelatter's arrival. And so the first day was over, and hehad seen her.

　　When he got back to the Slaughters', the roast fowlwas of course cold, in which condition he ate it forsupper. And knowing what early hours his family kept, andthat it would be needless to disturb their slumbers at solate an hour, it is on record, that Major Dobbin treatedhimself to half-price at the Haymarket Theatre thatevening, where let us hope he enjoyed himself.