Chapter LXIII: In Which We Meet an Old Acquaintance

by William Makepeace Thackeray

　　Such polite behaviour as that of Lord Tapeworm didnot fail to have the most favourable effect upon Mr.Sedley's mind, and the very next morning, at breakfast, hepronounced his opinion that Pumpernickel was thepleasantest little place of any which he had visited on theirtour. Jos's motives and artifices were not very difficultof comprehension, and Dobbin laughed in his sleeve, likea hypocrite as he was, when he found, by the knowing airof the civilian and the offhand manner in which thelatter talked about Tapeworm Castle and the other membersof the family, that Jos had been up already in the morning,consulting his travelling Peerage. Yes, he had seenthe Right Honourable the Earl of Bagwig, his lordship'sfather; he was sure he had, he had met him at--at theLevee--didn't Dob remember? and when the Diplomatistcalled on the party, faithful to his promise, Jos receivedhim with such a salute and honours as were seldomaccorded to the little Envoy. He winked at Kirsch on hisExcellency's arrival, and that emissary, instructed before-hand, went out and superintended an entertainment ofcold meats, jellies, and other delicacies, brought in upontrays, and of which Mr. Jos absolutely insisted that hisnoble guest should partake.

　　Tapeworm, so long as he could have an opportunity ofadmiring the bright eyes of Mrs. Osborne (whose freshnessof complexion bore daylight remarkably well) wasnot ill pleased to accept any invitation to stay in Mr.Sedley's lodgings; he put one or two dexterous questionsto him about India and the dancing-girls there; askedAmelia about that beautiful boy who had been with her;and complimented the astonished little woman upon theprodigious sensation which she had made in the house;and tried to fascinate Dobbin by talking of the late warand the exploits of the Pumpernickel contingent under thecommand of the Hereditary Prince, now Duke ofPumpernickel.

　　Lord Tapeworm inherited no little portion of the familygallantry, and it was his happy belief that almost everywoman upon whom he himself cast friendly eyes was inlove with him. He left Emmy under the persuasion thatshe was slain by his wit and attractions and went home tohis lodgings to write a pretty little note to her. She wasnot fascinated, only puzzled, by his grinning, his simpering,his scented cambric handkerchief, and his high-heeledlacquered boots. She did not understand one-half thecompliments which he paid; she had never, in her smallexperience of mankind, met a professional ladies' man asyet, and looked upon my lord as something curious ratherthan pleasant; and if she did not admire, certainlywondered at him. Jos, on the contrary, was delighted. "Howvery affable his Lordship is," he said; "How very kind ofhis Lordship to say he would send his medical man!Kirsch, you will carry our cards to the Count deSchlusselback directly; the Major and I will have thegreatest pleasure in paying our respects at Court as soonas possible. Put out my uniform, Kirsch--both ouruniforms. It is a mark of politeness which every Englishgentleman ought to show to the countries which he visitsto pay his respects to the sovereigns of those countriesas to the representatives of his own."

　　When Tapeworm's doctor came, Doctor von Glauber,Body Physician to H.S.H. the Duke, he speedilyconvinced Jos that the Pumpernickel mineral springs andthe Doctor's particular treatment would infallibly restorethe Bengalee to youth and slimness. "Dere came here lastyear," he said, "Sheneral Bulkeley, an English Sheneral,tvice so pic as you, sir. I sent him back qvite tin aftertree months, and he danced vid Baroness Glauber atthe end of two."

　　Jos's mind was made up; the springs, the Doctor, theCourt, and the Charge d'Affaires convinced him, and heproposed to spend the autumn in these delightfulquarters. And punctual to his word, on the next day theCharge d'Affaires presented Jos and the Major to VictorAurelius XVII, being conducted to their audience withthat sovereign by the Count de Schlusselback, Marshalof the Court.

　　They were straightway invited to dinner at Court, andtheir intention of staying in the town being announced,the politest ladies of the whole town instantly called uponMrs. Osborne; and as not one of these, however poorthey might be, was under the rank of a Baroness, Jos'sdelight was beyond expression. He wrote off to Chutneyat the Club to say that the Service was highly appreciatedin Germany, that he was going to show his friend, theCount de Schlusselback, how to stick a pig in the Indianfashion, and that his august friends, the Duke andDuchess, were everything that was kind and civil.

　　Emmy, too, was presented to the august family, and asmourning is not admitted in Court on certain days, sheappeared in a pink crape dress with a diamond ornamentin the corsage, presented to her by her brother, andshe looked so pretty in this costume that the Duke andCourt (putting out of the question the Major, who hadscarcely ever seen her before in an evening dress, andvowed that she did not look five-and-twenty) all admiredher excessively.

　　In this dress she walked a Polonaise with Major Dobbinat a Court ball, in which easy dance Mr. Jos had thehonour of leading out the Countess of Schlusselback,an old lady with a hump back, but with sixteen goodquarters of nobility and related to half the royal housesof Germany.

　　Pumpernickel stands in the midst of a happy valleythrough which sparkles--to mingle with the Rhinesomewhere, but I have not the map at hand to say exactly atwhat point--the fertilizing stream of the Pump. In someplaces the river is big enough to support a ferry-boat, inothers to turn a mill; in Pumpernickel itself, the lastTransparency but three, the great and renowned VictorAurelius XIV built a magnificent bridge, on which hisown statue rises, surrounded by water-nymphs andemblems of victory, peace, and plenty; he has his foot on theneck of a prostrate Turk--history says he engaged andran a Janissary through the body at the relief of Viennaby Sobieski--but, quite undisturbed by the agoniesof that prostrate Mahometan, who writhes at his feet inthe most ghastly manner, the Prince smiles blandly andpoints with his truncheon in the direction of the AureliusPlatz, where he began to erect a new palace that wouldhave been the wonder of his age had the great-souledPrince but had funds to complete it. But the completionof Monplaisir (Monblaisir the honest German folks callit) was stopped for lack of ready money, and it and itspark and garden are now in rather a faded condition,and not more than ten times big enough to accommodatethe Court of the reigning Sovereign.

　　The gardens were arranged to emulate those ofVersailles, and amidst the terraces and groves there aresome huge allegorical waterworks still, which spout andfroth stupendously upon fete-days, and frighten onewith their enormous aquatic insurrections. There is theTrophonius' cave in which, by some artifice, the leadenTritons are made not only to spout water, but to playthe most dreadful groans out of their lead conchs--thereis the nymphbath and the Niagara cataract, which thepeople of the neighbourhood admire beyond expression,when they come to the yearly fair at the opening of theChamber, or to the fetes with which the happy little nationstill celebrates the birthdays and marriage-days of itsprincely governors.

　　Then from all the towns of the Duchy, which stretchesfor nearly ten mile--from Bolkum, which lies onits western frontier bidding defiance to Prussia, fromGrogwitz, where the Prince has a hunting-lodge, andwhere his dominions are separated by the Pump Riverfrom those of the neighbouring Prince of Potzenthal; fromall the little villages, which besides these three greatcities, dot over the happy principality--from the farmsand the mills along the Pump come troops of people inred petticoats and velvet head-dresses, or with three-cornered hats and pipes in their mouths, who flock to theResidenz and share in the pleasures of the fair and thefestivities there. Then the theatre is open for nothing,then the waters of Monblaisir begin to play (it is luckythat there is company to behold them, for one would beafraid to see them alone)--then there come mountebanksand riding troops (the way in which his Transparencywas fascinated by one of the horse-riders is well known,and it is believed that La Petite Vivandiere, as she wascalled, was a spy in the French interest), and the delightedpeople are permitted to march through room after roomof the Grand Ducal palace and admire the slipperyfloor, the rich hangings, and the spittoons at thedoors of all the innumerable chambers. There is onePavilion at Monblaisir which Aurelius Victor XV hadarranged--a great Prince but too fond of pleasure--andwhich I am told is a perfect wonder of licentious elegance.It is painted with the story of Bacchus and Ariadne, andthe table works in and out of the room by means of awindlass, so that the company was served without anyintervention of domestics. But the place was shut up byBarbara, Aurelius XV's widow, a severe and devoutPrincess of the House of Bolkum and Regent of the Duchyduring her son's glorious minority, and after the deathof her husband, cut off in the pride of his pleasures.

　　The theatre of Pumpernickel is known and famous inthat quarter of Germany. It languished a little when thepresent Duke in his youth insisted upon having his ownoperas played there, and it is said one day, in a fury,from his place in the orchestra, when he attended arehearsal, broke a bassoon on the head of the ChapelMaster, who was conducting, and led too slow; and duringwhich time the Duchess Sophia wrote domestic comedies,which must have been very dreary to witness. But thePrince executes his music in private now, and the Duchessonly gives away her plays to the foreigners of distinctionwho visit her kind little Court.

　　It is conducted with no small comfort and splendour.When there are balls, though there may be fourhundred people at supper, there is a servant in scarlet andlace to attend upon every four, and every one is servedon silver. There are festivals and entertainments goingcontinually on, and the Duke has his chamberlains andequerries, and the Duchess her mistress of the wardrobeand ladies of honour, just like any other and morepotent potentates.

　　The Constitution is or was a moderate despotism,tempered by a Chamber that might or might not beelected. I never certainly could hear of its sitting in my timeat Pumpernickel. The Prime Minister had lodgings in asecond floor, and the Foreign Secretary occupied thecomfortable lodgings over Zwieback's Conditorey. Thearmy consisted of a magnificent band that also did dutyon the stage, where it was quite pleasant to see theworthy fellows marching in Turkish dresses with rouge onand wooden scimitars, or as Roman warriors withophicleides and trombones--to see them again, I say, atnight, after one had listened to them all the morning inthe Aurelius Platz, where they performed opposite thecafe where we breakfasted. Besides the band, there wasa rich and numerous staff of officers, and, I believe, afew men. Besides the regular sentries, three or four men,habited as hussars, used to do duty at the Palace, but Inever saw them on horseback, and au fait, what was theuse of cavalry in a time of profound peace?--and whitherthe deuce should the hussars ride?

　　Everybody--everybody that was noble of course, foras for the bourgeois we could not quite be expected totake notice of them--visited his neighbour. H. E. Madamede Burst received once a week, H. E. Madame deSchnurrbart had her night--the theatre was open twicea week, the Court graciously received once, so that aman's life might in fact be a perfect round of pleasure inthe unpretending Pumpernickel way.

　　That there were feuds in the place, no one can deny.Politics ran very high at Pumpernickel, and parties werevery bitter. There was the Strumpff faction and theLederlung party, the one supported by our envoy and theother by the French Charge d'Affaires, M. de Macabau.Indeed it sufficed for our Minister to stand up forMadame Strumpff, who was clearly the greater singer of thetwo, and had three more notes in her voice than MadameLederlung her rival--it sufficed, I say, for our Minister toadvance any opinion to have it instantly contradictedby the French diplomatist.

　　Everybody in the town was ranged in one or other ofthese factions. The Lederlung was a prettyish littlecreature certainly, and her voice (what there was of it) wasvery sweet, and there is no doubt that the Strumpff wasnot in her first youth and beauty, and certainly too stout;when she came on in the last scene of the Sonnambula,for instance, in her night-chemise with a lamp in herhand, and had to go out of the window, and pass overthe plank of the mill, it was all she could do tosqueeze out of the window, and the plank used to bendand creak again under her weight--but how she pouredout the finale of the opera! and with what a burst offeeling she rushed into Elvino's arms--almost fit tosmother him! Whereas the little Lederlung--but a truceto this gossip--the fact is that these two women werethe two flags of the French and the English party atPumpernickel, and the society was divided in itsallegiance to those two great nations.

　　We had on our side the Home Minister, the Master ofthe Horse, the Duke's Private Secretary, and the Prince'sTutor; whereas of the French party were the ForeignMinister, the Commander-in-Chief's Lady, who hadserved under Napoleon, and the Hof-Marschall and hiswife, who was glad enough to get the fashions fromPans, and always had them and her caps by M. deMacabau's courier. The Secretary of his Chancery was littleGrignac, a young fellow, as malicious as Satan, and whomade caricatures of Tapeworm in all the-albums of theplace.

　　Their headquarters and table d'hote were establishedat the Pariser Hof, the other inn of the town; and though,of course, these gentlemen were obliged to be civil inpublic, yet they cut at each other with epigrams thatwere as sharp as razors, as I have seen a couple ofwrestlers in Devonshire, lashing at each other's shinsand never showing their agony upon a muscle of theirfaces. Neither Tapeworm nor Macabau ever sent homea dispatch to his government without a most savageseries of attacks upon his rival. For instance, on our sidewe would write, "The interests of Great Britain in thisplace, and throughout the whole of Germany, are perilledby the continuance in office of the present French envoy;this man is of a character so infamous that he will stickat no falsehood, or hesitate at no crime, to attain hisends. He poisons the mind of the Court against theEnglish minister, represents the conduct of Great Britain inthe most odious and atrocious light, and is unhappilybacked by a minister whose ignorance and necessitiesare as notorious as his influence is fatal." On their sidethey would.say, "M. de Tapeworm continues hissystem of stupid insular arrogance and vulgar falsehoodagainst the greatest nation in the world. Yesterday hewas heard to speak lightly of Her Royal Highness Madamethe Duchess of Berri; on a former occasion he insultedthe heroic Duke of Angouleme and dared to insinuatethat H.R.H. the Duke of Orleans was conspiring againstthe august throne of the lilies. His gold is prodigated inevery direction which his stupid menaces fail to frighten.By one and the other, he has won over creatures of theCourt here--and, in fine, Pumpernickel will not bequiet, Germany tranquil, France respected, or Europecontent until this poisonous viper be crushed underheel": and so on. When one side or the other had writtenany particularly spicy dispatch, news of it was sure toslip out.

　　Before the winter was far advanced, it is actually onrecord that Emmy took a night and received companywith great propriety and modesty. She had a Frenchmaster, who complimented her upon the purity of heraccent and her facility of learning; the fact is she hadlearned long ago and grounded herself subsequently in thegrammar so as to be able to teach it to George; and MadamStrumpff came to give her lessons in singing, which sheperformed so well and with such a true voice that theMajor's windows, who had lodgings opposite under thePrime Minister, were always open to hear the lesson.Some of the German ladies, who are very sentimental andsimple in their tastes, fell in love with her and began tocall her du at once. These are trivial details, but theyrelate to happy times. The Major made himself George'stutor and read Caesar and mathematics with him, andthey had a German master and rode out of evenings bythe side of Emmy's carriage--she was always too timid,and made a dreadful outcry at the slightest disturbanceon horse-back. So she drove about with one of her dearGerman friends, and Jos asleep on the back-seat of thebarouche.

　　He was becoming very sweet upon the Grafinn Fannyde Butterbrod, a very gentle tender-hearted andunassuming young creature, a Canoness and Countess in herown right, but with scarcely ten pounds per year to herfortune, and Fanny for her part declared that to beAmelia's sister was the greatest delight that Heaven couldbestow on her, and Jos might have put a Countess's shieldand coronet by the side of his own arms on his carriageand forks; when--when events occurred, and thosegrand fetes given upon the marriage of the HereditaryPrince of Pumpernickel with the lovely Princess Ameliaof Humbourg-Schlippenschloppen took place.

　　At this festival the magnificence displayed was such ashad not been known in the little German place sincethe days of the prodigal Victor XIV. All the neighbouringPrinces, Princesses, and Grandees were invited to thefeast. Beds rose to half a crown per night in Pumpernickel,and the Army was exhausted in providing guardsof honour for the Highnesses, Serenities, and Excellencieswho arrived from all quarters. The Princess was marriedby proxy, at her father's residence, by the Count deSchlusselback. Snuff-boxes were given away in profusion(as we learned from the Court jeweller, who soldand afterwards bought them again), and bushels of theOrder of Saint Michael of Pumpernickel were sent tothe nobles of the Court, while hampers of the cordonsand decorations of the Wheel of St. Catherine ofSchlippenschloppen were brought to ours. The French envoygot both. "He is covered with ribbons like a prizecart-horse," Tapeworm said, who was not allowed by the rulesof his service to take any decorations: "Let him havethe cordons; but with whom is the victory?" The fact is,it was a triumph of British diplomacy, the French partyhaving proposed and tried their utmost to carry amarriage with a Princess of the House ofPotztausend-Donnerwetter, whom, as a matter ofcourse, we opposed.

　　Everybody was asked to the fetes of the marriage.Garlands and triumphal arches were hung across the roadto welcome the young bride. The great Saint Michael'sFountain ran with uncommonly sour wine, while thatin the Artillery Place frothed with beer. The great watersplayed; and poles were put up in the park and gardensfor the happy peasantry, which they might climb attheir leisure, carrying off watches, silver forks, prizesausages hung with pink ribbon, &c., at the top. Georgygot one, wrenching it off, having swarmed up the pole tothe delight of the spectators, and sliding down with therapidity of a fall of water. But it was for the glory'ssake merely. The boy gave the sausage to a peasant,who had very nearly seized it, and stood at the foot ofthe mast, blubbering, because he was unsuccessful.

　　At the French Chancellerie they had six more lampionsin their illumination than ours had; but our transparency,which represented the young Couple advancing andDiscord flying away, with the most ludicrous likeness to theFrench Ambassador, beat the French picture hollow; andI have no doubt got Tapeworm the advancement and theCross of the Bath which he subsequently attained.

　　Crowds of foreigners arrived for the fetes, and ofEnglish, of course. Besides the Court balls, public ballswere given at the Town Hall and the Redoute, and in theformer place there was a room for trente-et-quaranteand roulette established, for the week of the festivitiesonly, and by one of the great German companies fromEms or Aix-la-Chapelle. The officers or inhabitants of thetown were not allowed to play at these games, butstrangers, peasants, ladies were admitted, and any onewho chose to lose or win money.

　　That little scapegrace Georgy Osborne amongst others,whose pockets were always full of dollars and whoserelations were away at the grand festival of the Court,came to the Stadthaus Ball in company of his uncle'scourier, Mr. Kirsch, and having only peeped into aplay-room at Baden-Baden when he hung on Dobbin's arm,and where, of course, he was not permitted to gamble, cameeagerly to this part of the entertainment and hankeredround the tables where the croupiers and the punterswere at work. Women were playing; they were masked,some of them; this license was allowed in these wild timesof carnival.

　　A woman with light hair, in a low dress by no meansso fresh as it had been, and with a black mask on,through the eyelets of which her eyes twinkled strangely,was seated at one of the roulette-tables with a card anda pin and a couple of florins before her. As the croupiercalled out the colour and number, she pricked on thecard with great care and regularity, and only ventured hermoney on the colours after the red or black had comeup a certain number of times. It was strange to look ather.

　　But in spite of her care and assiduity she guessedwrong and the last two florins followed each other underthe croupier's rake, as he cried out with his inexorablevoice the winning colour and number. She gave a sigh, ashrug with her shoulders, which were already too muchout of her gown, and dashing the pin through the cardon to the table, sat thrumming it for a while. Then shelooked round her and saw Georgy's honest face staringat the scene. The little scamp! What business had heto be there?

　　When she saw the boy, at whose face she looked hardthrough her shining eyes and mask, she said, "Monsieurn'est pas joueur?"

　　"Non, Madame," said the boy; but she must haveknown, from his accent, of what country he was, for sheanswered him with a slight foreign tone. "You havenevare played--will you do me a littl' favor?"

　　"What is it?" said Georgy, blushing again. Mr. Kirschwas at work for his part at the rouge et noir and did notsee his young master.

　　"Play this for me, if you please; put it on any number,any number." And she took from her bosom a purse, andout of it a gold piece, the only coin there, and she put itinto George's hand. The boy laughed and did as he wasbid.

　　The number came up sure enough. There is a powerthat arranges that, they say, for beginners.

　　"Thank you," said she, pulling the money towards her,"thank you. What is your name?"

　　"My name's Osborne," said Georgy, and was fingeringin his own pockets for dollars, and just about to make atrial, when the Major, in his uniform, and Jos, en Marquis,from the Court ball, made their appearance. Otherpeople, finding the entertainment stupid and preferring thefun at the Stadthaus, had quitted the Palace ball earlier;but it is probable the Major and Jos had gone home andfound the boy's absence, for the former instantly wentup to him and, taking him by the shoulder, pulled himbriskly back from the place of temptation. Then, lookinground the room, he saw Kirsch employed as we havesaid, and going up to him, asked how he dared to bringMr. George to such a place.

　　"Laissez-moi tranquille," said Mr. Kirsch, very muchexcited by play and wine. "ll faut s'amuser, parbleu.Je ne suis pas au service de Monsieur."

　　Seeing his condition the Major did not choose to arguewith the man, but contented himself with drawing awayGeorge and asking Jos if he would come away. He wasstanding close by the lady in the mask, who was playingwith pretty good luck now, and looking on muchinterested at the game.

　　"Hadn't you better come, Jos," the Major said, "withGeorge and me?"

　　"I'll stop and go home with that rascal, Kirsch," Jossaid; and for the same reason of modesty, which hethought ought to be preserved before the boy, Dobbindid not care to remonstrate with Jos, but left him andwalked home with Georgy.

　　"Did you play?" asked the Major when they were outand on their way home.

　　The boy said "No."

　　"Give me your word of honour as a gentleman that younever will."

　　"Why?" said the boy; "it seems very good fun." And, ina very eloquent and impressive manner, the Major showedhim why he shouldn't, and would have enforced hisprecepts by the example of Georgy's own father, had heliked to say anything that should reflect on the other'smemory. When he had housed him, he went to bed andsaw his light, in the little room outside of Amelia's,presently disappear. Amelia's followed half an hourafterwards. I don't know what made the Major note itso accurately.

　　Jos, however, remained behind over the play-table; hewas no gambler, but not averse to the little excitementof the sport now and then, and he had some Napoleonschinking in the embroidered pockets of his courtwaistcoat. He put down one over the fair shoulder of thelittle gambler before him, and they won. She made a littlemovement to make room for him by her side, andjust took the skirt of her gown from a vacant chair there.

　　"Come and give me good luck," she said, still in aforeign accent, quite different from that frank andperfectly English "Thank you," with which she had salutedGeorgy's coup in her favour. The portly gentleman,looking round to see that nobody of rank observed him,sat down; he muttered--"Ah, really, well now, God blessmy soul. I'm very fortunate; I'm sure to give you goodfortune," and other words of compliment and confusion."Do you play much?" the foreign mask said.

　　"I put a Nap or two down," said Jos with a superb air,flinging down a gold piece.

　　"Yes; ay nap after dinner," said the mask archly. ButJos looking frightened, she continued, in her prettyFrench accent, "You do not play to win. No more do I.I play to forget, but I cannot. I cannot forget old times,monsieur. Your little nephew is the image of his father;and you--you are not changed--but yes, you are.Everybody changes, everybody forgets; nobody hasany heart."

　　"Good God, who is it?" asked Jos in a flutter.

　　"Can't you guess, Joseph Sedley?" said the littlewoman in a sad voice, and undoing her mask, shelooked at him. "You have forgotten me."

　　"Good heavens! Mrs. Crawley!" gasped out Jos.

　　"Rebecca," said the other, putting her hand on his;but she followed the game still, all the time she waslooking at him.

　　"I am stopping at the Elephant," she continued. "Askfor Madame de Raudon. I saw my dear Amelia to-day;how pretty she looked, and how happy! So do you!Everybody but me, who am wretched, Joseph Sedley."And she put her money over from the red to the black,as if by a chance movement of her hand, and while shewas wiping her eyes with a pocket-handkerchief fringedwith torn lace.

　　The red came up again, and she lost the whole of thatstake.~ "Come away," she said. "Come with me a little--we are old friends, are we not, dear Mr. Sedley?"

　　And Mr. Kirsch having lost all his money by thistime, followed his master out into the moonlight, wherethe illuminations were winking out and the transparencyover our mission was scarcely visible.