Chapter XXVII: In Which Amelia Joins Her Regiment

by William Makepeace Thackeray

　　When Jos's fine carriage drove up to the inn door atChatham, the first face which Amelia recognized was thefriendly countenance of Captain Dobbin, who had beenpacing the street for an hour past in expectation of hisfriends' arrival. The Captain, with shells on his frockcoat,and a crimson sash and sabre, presented a militaryappearance, which made Jos quite proud to be able toclaim such an acquaintance, and the stout civilian hailedhim with a cordiality very different from the receptionwhich Jos vouchsafed to his friend in Brighton and BondStreet.

　　Along with the Captain was Ensign Stubble; who, asthe barouche neared the inn, burst out with an exclamationof "By Jove! what a pretty girl"; highly applaudingOsborne's choice. Indeed, Amelia dressed in her wedding-pelisse and pink ribbons, with a flush in her face,occasioned by rapid travel through the open air, looked sofresh and pretty, as fully to justify the Ensign's compliment.Dobbin liked him for making it. As he stepped forwardto help the lady out of the carriage, Stubble sawwhat a pretty little hand she gave him, and what a sweetpretty little foot came tripping down the step. He blushedprofusely, and made the very best bow of which he wascapable; to which Amelia, seeing the number of the theregiment embroidered on the Ensign's cap, replied with ablushing smile, and a curtsey on her part; which finishedthe young Ensign on the spot. Dobbin took most kindly toMr. Stubble from that day, and encouraged him to talkabout Amelia in their private walks, and at each other'squarters. It became the fashion, indeed, among all thehonest young fellows of the --th to adore and admireMrs. Osborne. Her simple artless behaviour, andmodest kindness of demeanour, won all their unsophisticatedhearts; all which simplicity and sweetness are quiteimpossible to describe in print. But who has not beheldthese among women, and recognised the presence of allsorts of qualities in them, even though they say no moreto you than that they are engaged to dance the nextquadrille, or that it is very hot weather? George, always thechampion of his regiment, rose immensely in the opinionof the youth of the corps, by his gallantry in marrying thisportionless young creature, and by his choice of such apretty kind partner.

　　In the sitting-room which was awaiting the travellers,Amelia, to her surprise, found a letter addressed to Mrs.Captain Osborne. It was a triangular billet, on pink paper,and sealed with a dove and an olive branch, and aprofusion of light blue sealing wax, and it was written ina very large, though undecided female hand.

　　"It's Peggy O'Dowd's fist," said George, laughing. "Iknow it by the kisses on the seal." And in fact, it was anote from Mrs. Major O'Dowd, requesting the pleasureof Mrs. Osborne's company that very evening to a smallfriendly party. "You must go," George said. "You willmake acquaintance with the regiment there. O'Dowd goesin command of the regiment, and Peggy goes in command

　　But they had not been for many minutes in the enjoymentof Mrs. O'Dowd's letter, when the door was flungopen, and a stout jolly lady, in a riding-habit, followed bya couple of officers of Ours, entered the room.

　　"Sure, I couldn't stop till tay-time. Present me, Garge,my dear fellow, to your lady. Madam, I'm deloighted tosee ye; and to present to you me husband, MeejorO'Dowd"; and with this, the jolly lady in the riding-habitgrasped Amelia's hand very warmly, and the latter knewat once that the lady was before her whom her husbandhad so often laughed at. "You've often heard of me fromthat husband of yours," said the lady, with great vivacity.

　　"You've often heard of her," echoed her husband, theMajor.

　　Amelia answered, smiling, "that she had."

　　"And small good he's told you of me," Mrs. O'Dowdreplied; adding that "George was a wicked divvle."

　　"That I'll go bail for," said the Major, trying to lookknowing, at which George laughed; and Mrs. O'Dowd,with a tap of her whip, told the Major to be quiet; andthen requested to be presented in form to Mrs. CaptainOsborne.

　　"This, my dear," said George with great gravity, "is myvery good, kind, and excellent friend, Auralia Margaretta,otherwise called Peggy."

　　"Faith, you're right," interposed the Major.

　　"Otherwise called Peggy, lady of Major MichaelO'Dowd, of our regiment, and daughter of FitzjurldBer'sford de Burgo Malony of Glenmalony, County Kildare."

　　"And Muryan Squeer, Doblin," said the lady with calmsuperiority.

　　"And Muryan Square, sure enough," the Majorwhispered.

　　"'Twas there ye coorted me, Meejor dear," the ladysaid; and the Major assented to this as to every otherproposition which was made generally in company.

　　Major O'Dowd, who had served his sovereign in everyquarter of the world, and had paid for every step in hisprofession by some more than equivalent act of daringand gallantry, was the most modest, silent, sheep-facedand meek of little men, and as obedient to his wife as ifhe had been her tay-boy. At the mess-table he sat silently,and drank a great deal. When full of liquor, hereeled silently home. When he spoke, it was to agree witheverybody on every conceivable point; and he passedthrough life in perfect ease and good-humour. Thehottest suns of India never heated his temper; and theWalcheren ague never shook it. He walked up to a batterywith just as much indifference as to a dinner-table; haddined on horse-flesh and turtle with equal relish andappetite; and had an old mother, Mrs. O'Dowd ofO'Dowdstown indeed, whom he had never disobeyedbut when he ran away and enlisted, and when he persistedin marrying that odious Peggy Malony.

　　Peggy was one of five sisters, and eleven children of thenoble house of Glenmalony; but her husband, though herown cousin, was of the mother's side, and so had not theinestimable advantage of being allied to the Malonys,whom she believed to be the most famous family in theworld. Having tried nine seasons at Dublin and two atBath and Cheltenham, and not finding a partner for life,Miss Malony ordered her cousin Mick to marry her whenshe was about thirty-three years of age; and the honestfellow obeying, carried her off to the West Indies, topreside over the ladies of the --th regiment, into which hehad just exchanged.

　　Before Mrs. O'Dowd was half an hour in Amelia's (orindeed in anybody else's) company, this amiable lady toldall her birth and pedigree to her new friend. "My dear,"said she, good-naturedly, "it was my intention that Gargeshould be a brother of my own, and my sister Glorvinawould have suited him entirely. But as bygones arebygones, and he was engaged to yourself, why, I'mdetermined to take you as a sister instead, and to look uponyou as such, and to love you as one of the family. Faith,you've got such a nice good-natured face and way widgyou, that I'm sure we'll agree; and that you'll be anaddition to our family anyway."

　　"'Deed and she will," said O'Dowd, with an approvingair, and Amelia felt herself not a little amused andgrateful to be thus suddenly introduced to so large aparty of relations.

　　"We're all good fellows here," the Major's lady continued."There's not a regiment in the service where you'llfind a more united society nor a more agreeable mess-room. There's no quarrelling, bickering, slandthering, norsmall talk amongst us. We all love each other."

　　"Especially Mrs. Magenis," said George, laughing.

　　"Mrs. Captain Magenis and me has made up, thoughher treatment of me would bring me gray hairs withsorrow to the grave."

　　"And you with such a beautiful front of black, Peggy,my dear," the Major cried.

　　"Hould your tongue, Mick, you booby. Them husbandsare always in the way, Mrs. Osborne, my dear; and asfor my Mick, I often tell him he should never open hismouth but to give the word of command, or to put meatand drink into it. I'll tell you about the regiment, andwarn you when we're alone. Introduce me to your brothernow; sure he's a mighty fine man, and reminds me of mecousin, Dan Malony (Malony of Ballymalony, my dear,you know who mar'ied Ophalia Scully, of Oystherstown,own cousin to Lord Poldoody). Mr. Sedley, sir, I'mdeloighted to be made known te ye. I suppose you'll dineat the mess to-day. (Mind that divvle of a docther, Mick,and whatever ye du, keep yourself sober for me partythis evening.)"

　　"It's the 150th gives us a farewell dinner, my love,"interposed the Major, "but we'll easy get a card for Mr.Sedley."

　　"Run Simple (Ensign Simple, of Ours, my dear Amelia.I forgot to introjuice him to ye). Run in a hurry, withMrs. Major O'Dowd's compliments to Colonel Tavish,and Captain Osborne has brought his brothernlaw down,and will bring him to the 150th mess at five o'clock sharp--when you and I, my dear, will take a snack here, if youlike." Before Mrs. O'Dowd's speech was concluded, theyoung Ensign was trotting downstairs on his commission.

　　"Obedience is the soul of the army. We will go to ourduty while Mrs. O'Dowd will stay and enlighten you,Emmy," Captain Osborne said; and the two gentlemen,taking each a wing of the Major, walked out with thatofficer, grinning at each other over his head.

　　And, now having her new friend to herself, the impetuousMrs: O'Dowd proceeded to pour out such aquantity of information as no poor little woman's memorycould ever tax itself to bear. She told Amelia a thousandparticulars relative to the very numerous family of whichthe amazed young lady found herself a member. "Mrs.Heavytop, the Colonel's wife, died in Jamaica of theyellow faver and a broken heart comboined, for the horrudold Colonel, with a head as bald as a cannon-ball, wasmaking sheep's eyes at a half-caste girl there. Mrs.Magenis, though without education, was a good woman,but she had the divvle's tongue, and would cheat her ownmother at whist. Mrs. Captain Kirk must turn up herlobster eyes forsooth at the idea of an honest round game(wherein me fawther, as pious a man as ever went tochurch, me uncle Dane Malony, and our cousin theBishop, took a hand at loo, or whist, every night of theirlives). Nayther of 'em's goin' with the regiment this time,"Mrs. O'Dowd added. "Fanny Magenis stops with hermother, who sells small coal and potatoes, most likely,in Islington-town, hard by London, though she's alwaysbragging of her father's ships, and pointing them out to usas they go up the river: and Mrs. Kirk and her childrenwill stop here in Bethesda Place, to be nigh to her favouritepreacher, Dr. Ramshorn. Mrs. Bunny's in an interestingsituation--faith, and she always is, then--and hasgiven the Lieutenant seven already. And Ensign Posky'swife, who joined two months before you, my dear, hasquarl'd with Tom Posky a score of times, till you canhear'm all over the bar'ck (they say they're come tobroken pleets, and Tom never accounted for his black oi),and she'll go back to her mother, who keeps a ladies'siminary at Richmond--bad luck to her for running awayfrom it! Where did ye get your finishing, my dear? I hadmoin, and no expince spared, at Madame Flanahan's, atIlyssus Grove, Booterstown, near Dublin, wid a Marchionessto teach us the true Parisian pronunciation, and a retiredMejor-General of the French service to put usthrough the exercise."

　　Of this incongruous family our astonished Amelia foundherself all of a sudden a member: with Mrs. O'Dowd asan elder sister. She was presented to her other femalerelations at tea-time, on whom, as she was quiet, good-natured, and not too handsome, she made rather anagreeable impression until the arrival of the gentlemen fromthe mess of the 150th, who all admired her so, that hersisters began, of course, to find fault with her.

　　"I hope Osborne has sown his wild oats," said Mrs.Magenis to Mrs. Bunny. "If a reformed rake makes agood husband, sure it's she will have the fine chance withGarge," Mrs. O'Dowd remarked to Posky, who had losther position as bride in the regiment, and was quite angrywith the usurper. And as for Mrs. Kirk: that disciple ofDr. Ramshorn put one or two leading professionalquestions to Amelia, to see whether she was awakened,whether she was a professing Christian and so forth, andfinding from the simplicity of Mrs. Osborne's replies thatshe was yet in utter darkness, put into her hands threelittle penny books with pictures, viz., the "HowlingWilderness," the "Washerwoman of Wandsworth Common,"and the "British Soldier's best Bayonet," which, bent uponawakening her before she slept, Mrs. Kirk begged Ameliato read that night ere she went to bed.

　　But all the men, like good fellows as they were, ralliedround their comrade's pretty wife, and paid her theircourt with soldierly gallantry. She had a little triumph,which flushed her spirits and made her eyes sparkle.George was proud of her popularity, and pleased with themanner (which was very gay and graceful, though naiveand a little timid) with which she received the gentlemen's attentions, and answered their compliments. Andhe in his uniform--how much handsomer he was thanany man in the room! She felt that he was affectionatelywatching her, and glowed with pleasure at his kindness. "Iwill make all his friends welcome," she resolved in herheart. "I will love all as I love him. I will always try andbe gay and good-humoured and make his home happy."

　　The regiment indeed adopted her with acclamation.The Captains approved, the Lieutenants applauded, theEnsigns admired. Old Cutler, the Doctor, made one ortwo jokes, which, being professional, need not be repeated;and Cackle, the Assistant M.D. of Edinburgh, condescendedto examine her upon leeterature, and tried herwith his three best French quotations. Young Stubble wentabout from man to man whispering, "Jove, isn't she apretty gal?" and never took his eyes off her except whenthe negus came in.

　　As for Captain Dobbin, he never so much as spoke toher during the whole evening. But he and Captain Porterof the l50th took home Jos to the hotel, who was in avery maudlin state, and had told his tiger-hunt story withgreat effect, both at the mess-table and at the soiree, toMrs. O'Dowd in her turban and bird of paradise. Havingput the Collector into the hands of his servant, Dobbinloitered about, smoking his cigar before the inn door.George had meanwhile very carefully shawled his wife,and brought her away from Mrs. O'Dowd's after a generalhandshaking from the young officers, who accompaniedher to the fly, and cheered that vehicle as it drove off. SoAmelia gave Dobbin her little hand as she got out of thecarriage, and rebuked him smilingly for not having takenany notice of her all night.

　　The Captain continued that deleterious amusement ofsmoking, long after the inn and the street were gone tobed. He watched the lights vanish from George's sitting-room windows, and shine out in the bedroom close athand. It was almost morning when he returned to his ownquarters. He could hear the cheering from the ships inthe river, where the transports were already taking intheir cargoes preparatory to dropping down the Thames.