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Crap CVs
Crap CVs
Nov 18, 2024 9:32 PM

Author:Jenny Crompton

Crap CVs

A HILARIOUS COMPILATION OF THE WORST JOB APPLICATIONS IMAGINABLE - A PERFECT STOCKING FILLER OR OFFICE SECRET SANTA GIFT THIS CHRISTMAS.

Ever read a truly terrible job application? Or perhaps slightly exaggerated the truth on one of your own...

We've all been there - but these are worse. So much worse.

From overly-honest cover letters, embarrassing typos, and mortifying personal revelations, to awkward interview questions, misplaced self-confidence, and, of course, outright lies.

This hilarious collection of shockingly dreadful job applications, crap CVs and excruciating interviews will have you laughing out loud, while also making you feel so much better about yourself - because at least you weren't ever this bad . . .

Application for Employment

I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and hereby apply for the replacement of the deceased manager.

Each time I apply for a job, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case I have caught you red-handed and you have no excuse because I even attended the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead and buried before applying.

Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his death certificate.

The Interview:

Q. Is there anything about this job that you feel you might not be very good at?

A. Dealing with people.

Q. What person, living or dead, would you most like to meet?

A. The living one.

Reviews

Everyone, women and men alike, needs to think big to succeed. This is a practical book that shows you how to take control and build a career that will enable you to have real impact.

—— Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer, Facebook

The Startup of You describes how to take the Silicon Valley approach to building a life: start with an idea, and work over your entire career to turn it something remarkable. In the world today, I think that the startup approach to life is necessary. This book distills the key techniques needed to succeed.

—— Jack Dorsey, co-founder of Twitter, co-founder of Square

Being an entrepreneur isn't really about starting a business. It's a way of looking at the world: seeing opportunity where others see obstacles, taking risks when others take refuge. Whatever career you're in­ or want to be in ­The Start-Up of You holds lessons for success.

—— Michael Bloomberg, founder of Bloomberg

Silicon Valley revolutionizes entire industries through the way we work. It is now time to export our playbook to the rest of the world. The Startup of You is that key playbook: it will help you revolutionize yourself and achieve your own career breakout.

—— Marc Andreessen, co-founder Andreessen Horowitz; director at Meta, HP, and eBay

[An] extremely interesting and informative read

—— Bookbag.co.uk

A surprisingly wise book about how you can use the strategies of an entrepreneur to enhance your pedestrian career.

—— The Times

Forging a fulfilling career is one of the most important--and often, most difficult--challenges in building a happy life. The Start-Up of You is crammed with insights and strategies to help each of us create the work life we want.

—— Gretchen Rubin, author of the #1 bestseller , The Happiness Project

Rather than containing the usual tranch of aphorisms and advice on how to create lists of things you want to achieve, The Start-up Of You suggests arranging your career like a business . . . We challenge you not to be inspired.

—— PA Life

A profound book about self-determination and self-realization. By capturing and universalizing the wisdom of successful start-up businesses, the authors provide an exciting blueprint for building a fulfilling career. Invaluable for any person who wants to be a successful entrepreneur ­not in a particular company ­ but in the most important enterprise of all: one's own life.

—— Cory Booker, United States Senator from New Jersey

The most compelling parts of this book are the ones that look at the importance of developing and exploiting professional networks. As well as explaining network intelligence, or why your contacts’ contact may be the best source of leads about potential jobs, the book also gives numerous tips - including ones gleaned from the world of online dating - about how best to broker effective relationships

—— Economist

It is the optimism of Silicon Valley that infuses this book: there is still hope for those striving to break into the charmed circle

—— Richard Waters , Financial Times

The Internet has fundamentally changed the architecture of business and society. This terrific book shows you how to live, learn, and thrive in a networked world.

—— Joi Ito, Director, MIT Media Lab

In times of change and uncertainty...adaptability creates stability. It is insights like this that make The Startup of You such a compelling new way to approach your life. Hoffman and Casnocha have distilled the essence of entrepreneurship into a potion for personal success, regardless of your career plans.

—— John Etchemendy, Provost, Stanford University

The same extraordinary vision and timing that enabled Reid to found LinkedIn is once again on display with his book The Start-up of You. His central thesis, that every individual can benefit from acting as the entrepreneur of their own life and career, has never been more important than it is in today's increasingly globalized, competitive, and networked world.

—— Jeff Weiner, CEO, LinkedIn

A fascinating insight to the workings of Silicon Valley and the characters therein and how they interact with each other

—— RecruitmentViews.com

There is much helpful advice but the main themes are to make sure your network is as strong as it can be so that it helps you to also make sure you are in a place that has opportunities for you

—— Citywealth Magazine
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