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How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack
Oct 20, 2024 1:31 AM

Author:Chuck Sambuchino

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

There’s a new threat in town – and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless garden decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here.

Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defence expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system – Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply – for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognising and interpreting the signs of a gathering horde and – in the event that a secured perimeter is breached – confronting and combating the attackers at close range.

Reviews

Patricia Volk’s memoir has a tenderness and charm that make it truly absorbing; mixing two women’s very different viewpoints into a delicious cocktail of wisdom and nostalgia that really hits the spot.

—— Stylist

It is hard to image that any reader, especially a female reader, will be able to finish The Art of Being a Woman without a match being struck to the dry tinder of their own memories of childhood, setting things ablaze. This is a brilliant thing, well considered, well wrought, and wonderfully well written.

—— New York Journal of Books

Exquisitely written… A compelling snapshot of the groundbreaking designer – and an even more fascinating insight into Audrey, a paragon of mid-20th-century New York style.

—— Observer

Ignoring Schiaparelli is to ignore fashion and art. Soon everyone will be reminded who Schiap is.

—— Ines de la Fressange , author of Parisian Chic

Nothing short of delicious... Sharp-eyed as it is wickedly funny... Witty, tender and vividly nostalgic.

—— Kirkus

Thought-provoking and delightful. I love the way Volk transforms the apparently frivolous and, often, outmoded details of femininity into valuable lessons for life. Completely beguiling.

—— Lucy Moore , author of Anything Goes

A moving and entertaining double memoir

—— Anne de Courcy , author of The Fishing Fleet: Husband-Hunting in the Raj

Delightful… Juxtaposes the lives of two figures who most shaped [Volk’s] views of what a woman could and should be. Both women were opinionated, secretive, imposing, hot-tempered, charismatic and crazy about clothes… Ms. Volk is thoroughly likeable, warm and generous, with a well-tuned ear and a vivid sense of humour.’

—— Washington Post

Pure joy... A diptych portrayal of Patricia Volk's gorgeous and infuriating mother and the great fashion designer Elsa Schiaparelli, this is an irresistible tour de force that puts on display Volk's intelligence, wit and sparkling prose.

—— Louis Begley
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